The Stepmoms on a Mission (SMOMS) Members Forum is a community of Stepmoms, supported by Cathryn Bond Doyle, who are looking for compassionate, creative and effective solutions to stepfamily challenges. There are two levels of participation: FREE access to private written forums and one-time fee for support groups with Cathryn (live and replays). See details on Community Page.


For every NEW membership you need to click “Create an account” in upper right corner, review and accept our guidelines below this message, and select a username. Choose a nickname—NOT your real name—to protect your privacy. For returning Members, see “Login" in upper right.
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Things to say to the Lovely woman in your mirror !
#1
Hi Ladies,

This weekend I was inspired to read one of my Louise Hay books. For those of you who don't know her, she writes a lot about the power of affirmations, healing, self-growth etc.

I was re-reading about her belief in the power of what she calls, "Mirror work." She strongly encourages us to talk to the face in the mirror and to say really kind, loving, positive things whenever we look into the mirror. There's a lot to be said for the impact of such a practice and I felt it was a good reminder for me since my mirror talk, of past many years, often runs more along the lines, of, "Hi, what happened to your waistline?" Or "you didn't exercise, you lazy thing." Or "Oh no another wrinkle." You know, not all that encouraging, to say the least. My inner judge seems to have taken up an undisputed residence in my mirrors.

All those years I was in emotional turmoil, I just couldn't get into classic positive affirmations. I just couldn't believe 'em. But in thinking about it this weekend I got an idea.

What if every time we SMOMS saw our reflection, we said some of the things we've so dearly wanted to hear from others? What if we made it our goal, for the next couple of weeks to do this the whole time we're looking in the mirror at the beginning and end of the day, when in the car, whenever we see our reflection in windows, elevators, shining appliances, etc?

It would have to make us feel better, don't you think?

What could we say to ourselves?
How about everything and anything we want to hear from others!
It works if you say things to yourself or out loud. If you have the choice, say it out loud, for out loud has greater immediate impact.

Here are a few that came to my mind this morning as I tried it for the second day in a row:

Good Morning Lovely Lady!
You sure have worked hard to get over a lot of difficult stuff over the past 15 years!
Good Job!
Way to Hang in there!

(At this point I started to laugh out loud, mostly because I realized I was actually enjoying hearing those words directed at me! It was the darndest thing.)

So then I thought, what if all SMOMS, in varying stages of crisis, exhaustion, rage and grief spoke to themselves? What would that look like?

Here's a sampling:

"Good Morning you wonderful talented and thoughtful person!
You've been so generous with your family.
You've done amazing things for your DH and his kids.
You are really a tremendous help to them.
Can you believe his ex? What a good job you've done hanging in!
Can you believe all the hassles she's caused you and your DH?
Your DH is so incredibly lucky to have you in his life!
What the heck would he do without you?
I bet deep down, (maybe really deep down) he's really sorry for all the stress his ex and kids have caused you both. Poor thing!
I sure appreciate everything you've done for them all!
Like I said, he is one lucky guy!
What are you going to do for yourself today?
You deserve Lots of TLC, how can you get that today?
PLease be very very good to yourself because you deserve the BEST!"

Are you willing to give it a try?

What could you say to yourself to help you feel better and better?
Doing this is ONE things we DO have control over.
Could this be one of our new best tactics for self-care?

Pavlov taught us it takes 21 days (or 21 repetitions) to create a new habit.

Want to join me for the next 21 days (or so) and share your experiences? Cathryn

MISSKISS WROTE:

I’m up for it!

EMMIE WROTE:

You posted this maybe 5 years ago and I started then. I still do it every morning. There are days it is really hard. There are days I am silly and lighthearted, but no matter, what, five years later, I believe in myself because who will do it if I don't!

I will share mine this morning. It was one year ago that I lost my stepfather to cancer and today was the one year anniversary. I woke up, dreading today. My affirmation today:

Good morning Emmie!
Today, you will appreciate the life you have because every day is precious and you don't want to waste it.
Thanks to my sdad, I had an amazing example of a sparent who loved me without expectations or rules or limits.
I have worked everyday to pay that forward to my own stepkids and I think I do a pretty good job!
I love the way my hair looks today (I was having a good hair day...lol!)
I made rocking oatmeal pancakes this morning 
I am a Rockstar 

The rockstar thing is something my DH says to me all the time. He tells me I am a rockstar at being a wife and mom/smom....lol! So I end with that alot.

I have even sang to myself in the mirror....lol!

It took a few months to not feel silly. I even do it with my kids/skids when they are down with theirselves. I stand them in front of the mirror and I tell them what I see and make them tell me what they see in themselves.

Cathryn hooked me on this and it is part of what centers my day 

MISSKITTY WROTE:

I think this is a great idea! I used to do something sort of similar in college after I started getting stressed a lot due to my major, busy schedule, and relationship problems at the time. I would everyday write with a dry erase marker on my bathroom mirror something positive..."you are beautiful" or say during exam time I would put "you can do this!". It was just nice that every time I looked in the mirror I had that reminder. I later found out that my suitemates in which I shared the bathroom with rather enjoyed my daily messages too as it made them smile too. Its been quite a while since I've done it and now is definitely a good time to start doing something like that again.

POST OFFICE FACE WROTE:

I'm going to try it. I did do it today outloud - felt a little silly about it at first but did feel good to do. Thanks!

BERNADETTE-SUFFOLKNY WROTE:

For those of us who never heard these words from our parents it can be so healing..I too am feeling silly about it, but I think it's worth doing...thanks Cathryn!

JACOB’S SM WROTE:

I will most definitely do this!

Thanks for the idea Cathryn 

CATHRYN WROTE:

Hi Ladies, How's all that encouraging mirror talk going?
This morning, I had to get up extra early and when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I reminded myself of Phyllis Diller (a comedian from the 70's with wild short hair and a feisty attitude). Rather than wincing at myself (Oh brother) I decided to talk with myself, again, like I would if my BFF was my roomie. The supportive words just flowed out and I was chuckling after a few comments.

We've been talking about self-care for 11 years now.
I've been realizing that it is much much more than taking logistical care of ourselves (Manicures, massages, time out, etc) To me, it's about being aware, from moment to moment of what we are thinking and feeling and being willing to make that important enough to respond to...supportively.

As you become aware of our thoughts, we will see they have direct impact on our feelings.
As we realize that many of our thoughts are so conditioned, habitual, unconsciously motivated that we don't even question them, it can be quite jolting to realize just how mean, judgmental, impatient and hard we are on ourselves. Realizing that WE have the ability to stop the hurtful self-talk and replace it with the nurturing supportive self-talk-even just one comment at a one, it is both liberating and empowering!

Here's an affirmation (from my past) that works well for me, when I'm not sure what else to say. Repeating it to yourself, can interrupt deeply ingrained thought patterns.

"I kindly, gently, lovingly and supportively accept myself and what is."

Bernadette-Suffolkny mentioned how healing it IS very healing to give ourselves the loving nurturing support we didn't get, or haven't gotten. Who better to know what we need to hear than ourselves?!

Maybe silly to begin with, yet over time we realize we've had no trouble saying un-kind non-supportive things to ourselves and most of us never questioned that. Isn't it sad how willingly we've soaked up the cruel self-commentaries?

Well, not anymore.
Not today at least!
Repeat with me, "Today I say only kind, loving, encouraging things to myself because I have a lot to do and I want to feel like my wonderful self as I use my gifts and talents"


Originally on the General BB on 11.17.11
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)