The Stepmoms on a Mission (SMOMS) Members Forum is a community of Stepmoms, supported by Cathryn Bond Doyle, who are looking for compassionate, creative and effective solutions to stepfamily challenges. There are two levels of participation: FREE access to private written forums and one-time fee for support groups with Cathryn (live and replays). See details on Community Page.

For every NEW membership you need to click “Create an account” in upper right corner, review and accept our guidelines below this message, and select a username. Choose a nickname—NOT your real name—to protect your privacy. For returning Members, see “Login" in upper right.
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Insights on dealing with Passive Aggressive people
When OSS21 came to us at 14 and totally out of control, one of the things that the counselors must have mentioned to BM was that he was Passive Aggressive. She ended up picking up a book about it, and giving it to us to read (dunno if she ever read it).

The book was a bit of an eye opener to me in how our disciplinary reactions towards OSS's behaviors were actually feeding into his issues, and were giving him a reward instead of a punishment. If his behavior meant that we as a family wouldn't go to the movies, then he had the power to keep the entire family home. (that stopped real quick once I read that - the look on his face when we brought him home, had him get ready for bed, then the rest of us went out for fun - "we're not going to let YOUR bad behavior ruin OUR good time."

Anyway - the book that she gave us was:
"Managing Passive-Aggressive Behavior of Children and Youth at School and at Home: The Angry Smile" By Nicholas James Long and Jody E. Long.

They've written another book which I haven't read:
"The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces"

As I'm thinking about it - there was some mention on the board about how sometimes people will gaslight you, to make your feelings seem wrong, and your reactions to things seem too extreme. I suspect that that behavior could also be classified as P.A. It's been a while since I've read the book, and I've passed it along to another family so I can't be sure, but I suspect that these books could be helpful for identifying that as well.

Messages In This Thread
Insights on dealing with Passive Aggressive people - by EvilStepMother - 11-30-2011, 09:09 AM

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)