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Insights on dealing with Passive Aggressive people - Printable Version

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Insights on dealing with Passive Aggressive people - EvilStepMother - 11-30-2011

When OSS21 came to us at 14 and totally out of control, one of the things that the counselors must have mentioned to BM was that he was Passive Aggressive. She ended up picking up a book about it, and giving it to us to read (dunno if she ever read it).

The book was a bit of an eye opener to me in how our disciplinary reactions towards OSS's behaviors were actually feeding into his issues, and were giving him a reward instead of a punishment. If his behavior meant that we as a family wouldn't go to the movies, then he had the power to keep the entire family home. (that stopped real quick once I read that - the look on his face when we brought him home, had him get ready for bed, then the rest of us went out for fun - "we're not going to let YOUR bad behavior ruin OUR good time."

Anyway - the book that she gave us was:
"Managing Passive-Aggressive Behavior of Children and Youth at School and at Home: The Angry Smile" By Nicholas James Long and Jody E. Long.

http://www.amazon.com/Managing-Passive-Agressive-Behavior-Children-School/dp/0890798737/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1322658046&sr=8-2

They've written another book which I haven't read:
"The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive-Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces"

http://www.amazon.com/Angry-Smile-Psychology-Passive-Aggressive-Workplaces/dp/1416404236/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322658533&sr=8-1

As I'm thinking about it - there was some mention on the board about how sometimes people will gaslight you, to make your feelings seem wrong, and your reactions to things seem too extreme. I suspect that that behavior could also be classified as P.A. It's been a while since I've read the book, and I've passed it along to another family so I can't be sure, but I suspect that these books could be helpful for identifying that as well.


RE: Insights on dealing with Passive Aggressive people - Cathryn Bond Doyle - 11-30-2011

PLEASE PLEASE USE THE LINK TO AMAZON VIA OUR SITE.!!! It would be so helpful!
In over 7 years we've not even generated enough commissions to create a single credit ($25)payment.
With the holidays it would be great to earn some money for the Site. Even if we just earned enough to pay for the hosting and URL fees that would be terrific. Chuck's fees are a whole different category!

It does NOT cost you anything more to go through the site. They pay us out of their profits.
Thanks for anyone willing to do this. Cathryn


RE: Insights on dealing with Passive Aggressive people - megs - 12-02-2011

You know - I've only just noticed the amazon link! Maybe put this on the OT forum so more people see your plea and understand the benefits of linking from here! Smile

I see that this is only for amazon.com. Could you start a similar arrangement for amazon.uk.co? I use the UK amazon service often (several times a year) and could easily link through smoms - would love to help you in this way.