I am on year 4 of my SMOM life and have learned a few things on my way:
1) Be consistent – Regardless of how crazy BM is, how difficult the children behave, or anything else…. BE CONSISTENT. In the long run, its the best practice for everyone involved.
2) Don’t take it personal! – If BM absolutely despises you… remember this… It isn’t you, its your position as “new wife”. Also, the kids will show their loyalty to their mother no matter how much they like you. If it comes to picking sides. They will ALWAYS pick their mother. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about your position as “new Stepmom”.
3) Keep a united front – The most important thing you can do for your new family is to keep a united front between your DH and yourself. You need to be on the same page. Communicate, communicate and communicate some more. Have a plan for situations and be on the same page with discipline and consequences. If the children see you are on the same page, there is less confrontation in the home.