I have been with my man for 5 years, and we’re getting married this September. My stepson is 12, about to be 13. If I had to do it differently, I also would not have gotten involved with a man who has a child and a crazy ex wife. Red flag, Hello?!?! However, I truly believe we are supposed to be together, SO I would not have tried so hard to entertain my stepson and would have put that energy into my relationship. I wouldn’t have let my fiance’s BS with his ex wife infiltrate our relationship so much. I wouldn’t have tried to “fix” things (seems like a common consensus here) and I most certainly would not have reached out to BM to help things run smoother.
With that being said, I have learned so much about myself and relationships throughout this experience so far. I’ve learned this forum is absolutely the BEST and I am so grateful when I read posts that are so similar to my situation it could have been written by me! I’ve learned that I could be the most kick ass role model and show him the best time he’s ever had, but I will ALWAYS be number 3 (mom, dad, then me), which is made clear when he says things like “you’re not my mom” or “you’re not my Stepmom yet” I’ve learned to focus first and foremost on your relationship in front of you, because that is what matters the most!
P.S. I’ve learned I can’t wait to give advice to prospective Stepmoms! I WISH someone had given me ANY advice!!!!!