I’m 50 years old, widowed with 2 bio kids girl 18 boy 16 engaged to dad with 2 kids 19 girl and 16 boy.
Three things that I would definitely do differently would be:
1. To not take things so personally. Everything that would go wrong I would try to fix that took a toll on me.
2. I would not get involved so much in my kids’ relationship with my fiancs kids’ unless it was physical (which it never was) It really affected my relationship with his kids and with mine and it also affected their relationship with each other. This one is a big change that I would make. It was hard for me to sit back and watch his kids not include mine in stuff, being that they were so close in age. I resented that and I should have just stayed out of it.
3. I would have done would be to build our relationship from the beginning, focus more on us. I was so worried about the kids being good that I put us on the back burner and I would blame the kid issues we had on the fact that we had problems and it really started with our problems with our relationship. A big thing that I have learned that problems with family would not seem so big if my fianc and I were more stable. Which again was because we did not focus on us.
So I feel these are all big issues and blending families is not easy at all. I hope that all of this hard work will pay off, and the everyday sadness will get easier and we all kind find a happy balance.