1. Don’t try and be friends with the ex. Just…don’t. Let the husband deal with weekends and pickups and such, handling it yourself leads to stress. It’s his problem, let him deal with it. Not to say you can’t proffer advice and suggestions, but I live by the axiom: “Smile and wave, boys, smile and wave!”
2. Set boundaries and be firm, but only about the super-really-very-important things. If you aren’t going to provide transportation; if your birthday is an important holiday; if you need to have all transfers done by 6pm on Sunday; if the color purple makes you crazy…pick the three or four nails-down-a-chalkboard-major-huge-issues and draw your line in the sand.
3. Be flexible about everything else. And I mean everything. This one weekend important? Let bio-mom pick the others. Kill with kindness. She wants to see schoolwork? Send everything. Just let it go. If it wasn’t in your top four issues, it doesn’t matter.