I’m no longer a SMOM. It just didn’t work out between my SO and I. And, the stepkids are no longer a part of my life because their father wants it that way. So desipite the time, money, and love I invested in them, it was all for nothing. However, the SMOMS Board was a real life-saver for me for a couple years. I check in regularly and try to offer advice and encouragement to all the ladies who helped me out along the way, as well as those who could use some advice or support. I know it’s hard.
So, having been there and done that, here are my Top 3 Lessons Learned, as a SMOM for four years to three children with two BMs.
1. Take care of YOU. You can’t take care of everyone else if you are unhappy or unhealthy.
2. Disengage. The step-child/step-parent dynamic is strange and goes through stages. Some days they will love you and some days they will hate you. It’s different than a typical parent/child relationship. It just is. Don’t ever think it’s not. Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of becoming the perfect mother. You will get used and stepped on, taken advantage of and taken for granted. Not only by your stepkids, but their father and mother. Refer to Lesson 1.
3. Don’t take it personally. If your stepkids’ BM hates you it’s not because you are a bad person. It’s because she is insecure either in your relationship with her child or the relationship you have with her ex. And, again, as an authority figure, some days your stepkids will hate you. That’s life.