| Tip # |
Tip |
| 1 |
1.) Always remember YOU are okay. Take care of you. Be sure to avoid the mind games set up by your skids, bio-mom or hubby.
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| 2 |
Find a support group of stepmoms and/or stepparents. Talk often with them,ideally before taking action. Talking to others who KNOW is very helpful.
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| 3 |
If you have a bio-parent who tells the skids bad things about you, try to remain calm and you listen. Always stay in control when talking with your skids about what they may have heard from their other parent. Reply with, " Gee, I am
sorry your Mom/dad feels that way." The less attention and reaction you give it the less the skids will play it up. Important: Keep a padded room where you can scream, kick, and punch where no one can hear you!
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| 4 |
Remember you married the man, not his kids. Be sure you and your hubby talk and stay “connected as much as possible. Allow him to parent HIS kids. If you start parenting then you become a target for their anger. It is easy to “hate” us because we stepparents are nothing to them so it is easy to hate. Be sure hubby enforces the rules and insist he handle all problems. In case of a younger child say, "Your dad said if you do not do dishes, you will not be able to go to the movies." If the child refuses...let dad deal with it. Save yourself this stress.
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| 5 |
Pick and choose your battles.
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| 6 |
RESPECT, always respect your skids. If you want to be respected you must give respect. No matter how young. You learn respect by having people respect you. You teach respect by example.
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| 7 |
NEVER, ever talk negatively about a child's bio-parent in front of them. Example: If a child is angry because bio-Mom did not show up for the weekend visit. Listen and validate their feelings. Never, agree bio-Mom is a this or that because she did not do as she said. Always, tell the child the parent loves them and cares about them. Allow the child to feel pain, be mad, even allow the child to feel the hate feelings.
Try to remind the child that the parent may have disappointed him/her but
they love them. (The children will Thank you when they are adults.) Important: Go to the padded room when finished talking with the child.
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| 8 |
Know that the courts can be very unfair. You may take care of a child while a bio-parent is living a carefree life and taking no responsibility.Thatis their choice. Also know if you are there as a parent that is a choice you are making. If your bio-parent isn’t paying their support, blame the system. The system uses the phrase " In the best interest of the child." I have not seen very many times where the system works “in the best interest of the child.” Know that the bio-parent is not paying support, due to the system allowing them. Get mad at the system. Important:Go to your padded room!
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| 9 |
If you have come into the marriage with children. Kids are learning to live together under one roof. Try to stay out of battles unless there is hitting, kicking, punching. Remember all kids have disagreements and try to allow them to work out their own problems. This helps them prepare for the real world.
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| 10 |
Sadly, many second marriages with kids work not work out. Remember that kids will grow up and they will go out on their own and have their own lives so you and your mate can grow old together. Hopefully he/she is someone you really enjoy spending time with. You two will have to work through a long road with many uphill battles. Love one another and let all kids involved know that you two will stick together. Love them and care about their feelings AND invest lots of time and energy into your marriage. If the screaming starts and you’re feeling like you’re going crazy, grab your hubby and go to the padded room!
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