SMOM Tips submitted by: Wife #2

I read someone's problem and thought I could help.

Tip #

Tip

1

When having extra caricular attivites, or social events in which the child is involved. INSTEAD of saying THAT woman/man WILL NOT BE ALLOWED to come, or sit in such and such place. ASK your step child if they want mom/dad or on the other side stepmom/stepdad to be there. You can even be creative if the answer is yes. Have child make an invitation, stating what where, when, appropriate attire . with a personal note saying...i hope you sit with me...or I hope after the ceramony I can come to where you are sitting and see you for a few mins (its a polite way of saying dont come annoy the folks I am with...but you are STILL part of this and it's important to me...and its less confrotational). Belive it or not if you were MOM and had to be around stepmom....when yall dont get along...you will get a knot in your stomach just as she does. If you are STEP mom....and you are going to have to be around real mom and you two dont get along...your going to be just as anxious and as nervous as she is. BOTH women (most times) want to be there to let the kid know..hey I love you , and what you do is important . I support you. But if mom and step mom /dad and stepdad spend the whole time arguing , fussing fighting ect...all it does is embarass child...and stress you out. Think about the other person....if you were trying to be envolved and were forced out...how would you feel? So WHY would you do that to someone else. Dosent mean you have to sit in the same spot and hold hands, and sing kumbyya or anything. Just politely ignore one another, heap the attention on the child, children , event.... IF in like my CASE nothing you try to do is good enough...real mom acts like a B>>>> every time...then look at it like this. When you stepchild gets older (or real on the other side) they will remember...everytime I had something going...my dad and stepmom...or mom and step dad (which ever the case fits) always included my other parents. They never made them feel unwelcome or were rude to them in public. If mom, or whomever fits becomes loud, picks a fight, NO MATTER WHAT they do....IGNORE IT. let that child SEE who is the adult and who is not. Belive me when they are older...they will remember....in my case my 11 year old SD, see's that step mom acts like a resposible adult...real mom acts like she's got no sense. stepmom dosent embarass her...real mom does. when she gets to be 20...who do you think she is going to have more respect for? but besides the benifit to me...I think about the benefit t oher. she is allowed to say ...yes I want my mom to be there. or NO i dont think I will invite her this time. If the answer is yes (which most times it is despite her mother's actions)....she gets to have that freedom. mom is not of the same opinion...but we are always there when we KNOW of something ...and we take our place in what ever spot is availible...smile , clap , support her no matter the dirty looks across the room...and go home with the knowledge that she KNOWS we love her. It's that simple.

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