http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/ Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:26:33 -0400 MyBB http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23855 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:16:10 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23855
DH told me at 5:45 this morning that he is finding daycare for the boys since I resent them so much.

Yes, I resent them. Not constantly, but I do. I feel like they get away with MURDER and that DH is very defensive towards me with regards to them, but I don't feel that he is defensive towards them with regards to me.

I have never denied that I am resentful towards them on occasion. I am also trying to work through these feelings because I HATE feeling this way. I am going to counseling, I read book after book and I tell DH small ways I think he could help, but nothing ever seems to change.

Saturday was a really REALLY bad day (Life knows...she listened to me bawl on the phone for 9876987 hours). I get so tired of telling them the same things, over and over.

YSS, who is the king of leaving his shoes in the living room, actually had the nerve to HIDE his shoes under the TV stand on Sunday. Not only was he thinking "I know I am not supposed to leave my shoes up here" and did it anyway, but he went out of his way to find a HIDING spot for them.

It's to the point where I think I am crazy for caring.

I have decided I am done. I am done fighting it. I guess I won't care how the house looks if people stop over. If there are 543 pairs of shoes in the living room, so be it. None of them will be MY shoes, so what do I care? If kids run in the house and trip, what do I care? I've told them why they shouldn't run in the house, but if they want to get hurt, so be it. I won't be running in the house, so I won't get hurt.

I. AM. DONE.

If the boys are fighting, unless they are hurting one another, I'll let them fight. If they get too loud I'll go into my bedroom, close the door and turn the radio on. Or I'll go downstairs. If they come to blows, I'll make them stop, otherwise, who cares? I won't be involved. I'll remove myself completely from the situation.

I am done worrying about things so much.

Done.]]>
DH told me at 5:45 this morning that he is finding daycare for the boys since I resent them so much.

Yes, I resent them. Not constantly, but I do. I feel like they get away with MURDER and that DH is very defensive towards me with regards to them, but I don't feel that he is defensive towards them with regards to me.

I have never denied that I am resentful towards them on occasion. I am also trying to work through these feelings because I HATE feeling this way. I am going to counseling, I read book after book and I tell DH small ways I think he could help, but nothing ever seems to change.

Saturday was a really REALLY bad day (Life knows...she listened to me bawl on the phone for 9876987 hours). I get so tired of telling them the same things, over and over.

YSS, who is the king of leaving his shoes in the living room, actually had the nerve to HIDE his shoes under the TV stand on Sunday. Not only was he thinking "I know I am not supposed to leave my shoes up here" and did it anyway, but he went out of his way to find a HIDING spot for them.

It's to the point where I think I am crazy for caring.

I have decided I am done. I am done fighting it. I guess I won't care how the house looks if people stop over. If there are 543 pairs of shoes in the living room, so be it. None of them will be MY shoes, so what do I care? If kids run in the house and trip, what do I care? I've told them why they shouldn't run in the house, but if they want to get hurt, so be it. I won't be running in the house, so I won't get hurt.

I. AM. DONE.

If the boys are fighting, unless they are hurting one another, I'll let them fight. If they get too loud I'll go into my bedroom, close the door and turn the radio on. Or I'll go downstairs. If they come to blows, I'll make them stop, otherwise, who cares? I won't be involved. I'll remove myself completely from the situation.

I am done worrying about things so much.

Done.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23854 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 12:02:52 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23854


I feel sad for HIM because she is evil (and was evil to her own SM so that's all she knows), but still... A little tiny part of me feels like this is some kind of Karma.

]]>


I feel sad for HIM because she is evil (and was evil to her own SM so that's all she knows), but still... A little tiny part of me feels like this is some kind of Karma.

]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23853 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:55:28 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23853
In order for us to get a group discount, there must be at least 5 of us in the group for a 20% discount on accomodations!!

Not only that - but for us to even get the discounted rate, I have to become part of the Kripalu Yoga Teachers Association, and that alone will cost me $125. It's worth it to me if FIVE of you agree and make your reservations after I submit my application.

Buffy and I will both be there the weekend of October 8-11. You can look up all the programs for that weekend, including the R&R weekend, http://kripalu.org

The program I'm taking is Yoga and the Five Elements: A Retreat to Balance Body, Mind, and Spirit (tuition is $240 for three days)

I will be staying in dormitory accomodations ($285) because 1) I make new friends this way and 2)it's the least expensive option. Pretty cheap for three nights and all your meals.

Kripalu is located in western Massachusetts in the lovely Berkshires. The weekend of October 8-11 will be spectacular for fall foilage.

And remember, the best investment you'll ever make is the one you make in yourself.]]>
In order for us to get a group discount, there must be at least 5 of us in the group for a 20% discount on accomodations!!

Not only that - but for us to even get the discounted rate, I have to become part of the Kripalu Yoga Teachers Association, and that alone will cost me $125. It's worth it to me if FIVE of you agree and make your reservations after I submit my application.

Buffy and I will both be there the weekend of October 8-11. You can look up all the programs for that weekend, including the R&R weekend, http://kripalu.org

The program I'm taking is Yoga and the Five Elements: A Retreat to Balance Body, Mind, and Spirit (tuition is $240 for three days)

I will be staying in dormitory accomodations ($285) because 1) I make new friends this way and 2)it's the least expensive option. Pretty cheap for three nights and all your meals.

Kripalu is located in western Massachusetts in the lovely Berkshires. The weekend of October 8-11 will be spectacular for fall foilage.

And remember, the best investment you'll ever make is the one you make in yourself.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23852 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:45:06 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23852
Last week, during one of our weeks of parenting time. DH was working, he actually was at a seminar for the day. He was back in town at 5:30, when he normally gets out of work. SS12 had practice and the plan was that I take him. (I put a post about this issue also) SS12 was acting out and told him that if he didn’t straighten up I wasn’t taking him to practice and he could find his our ride. Sure enough he couldn’t make it 5 mins. I told him I wasn’t taking him. DH went golfing since he figured I was taking him to practice. No big deal. Well SS called his mom and said I wouldn’t take him and dad wasn’t around. BM came and got him, meanwhile leaving a nasty message for DH.

Today we get a hearing notice that he is in violation bc they have a parental preference and she is alleging DH was unavailable to care of the children. Also complains we bring the boys home consistently last on our evening visits.

Ok…hello, so what if DH was at a seminar or work, he was gone from 7-5:30 normal work day hours, he then decided to go golfing. By the time SS needed a ride DH was 20 mins away and wouldn’t get back in time, so SS called BM, giving her the first opportunity to take ss to practice. Grandpa brought SS home from practice at 8:15 and DH got home around 8:45.

My understanding of the parental preference is if one parent is going to gone an extended time during his/her parenting time or is unavailable to care for the children, the other parent has the first opportunity to have the kids.

So are we breaking the parental preference clause? So what are we suppose to call BM when we go the grocery store or out to dinner without the boys?

Next situation:
SS12 has a baseball tournament this weekend. BMi will not be going to our knowledge. DH is thinking about taking SS12 and SS15 and staying the night. SS15 doesn’t really want to go, he would rather stay home and do something with his friends.. . Since DH is going to be “out of town” technically does SS15 have to go to BM’s? or does DH need to at least ask if she wants him? SS15 can go with DH; however is choosing to do something with his friends instead. Are we breaking any rules?
In this instance, DH is available and can take SS15 with him.

Has anyone had situations with that parental preference clause

Also, the claim Dh is consistently late...they have to back at 7:00, they usually are late but that is bc of practice or the kids forget soemthing. They have never been home any later than 7:45. Usually it's around 7:20. If we are going to be late due to homework issues, we call and let her know that reason.]]>
Last week, during one of our weeks of parenting time. DH was working, he actually was at a seminar for the day. He was back in town at 5:30, when he normally gets out of work. SS12 had practice and the plan was that I take him. (I put a post about this issue also) SS12 was acting out and told him that if he didn’t straighten up I wasn’t taking him to practice and he could find his our ride. Sure enough he couldn’t make it 5 mins. I told him I wasn’t taking him. DH went golfing since he figured I was taking him to practice. No big deal. Well SS called his mom and said I wouldn’t take him and dad wasn’t around. BM came and got him, meanwhile leaving a nasty message for DH.

Today we get a hearing notice that he is in violation bc they have a parental preference and she is alleging DH was unavailable to care of the children. Also complains we bring the boys home consistently last on our evening visits.

Ok…hello, so what if DH was at a seminar or work, he was gone from 7-5:30 normal work day hours, he then decided to go golfing. By the time SS needed a ride DH was 20 mins away and wouldn’t get back in time, so SS called BM, giving her the first opportunity to take ss to practice. Grandpa brought SS home from practice at 8:15 and DH got home around 8:45.

My understanding of the parental preference is if one parent is going to gone an extended time during his/her parenting time or is unavailable to care for the children, the other parent has the first opportunity to have the kids.

So are we breaking the parental preference clause? So what are we suppose to call BM when we go the grocery store or out to dinner without the boys?

Next situation:
SS12 has a baseball tournament this weekend. BMi will not be going to our knowledge. DH is thinking about taking SS12 and SS15 and staying the night. SS15 doesn’t really want to go, he would rather stay home and do something with his friends.. . Since DH is going to be “out of town” technically does SS15 have to go to BM’s? or does DH need to at least ask if she wants him? SS15 can go with DH; however is choosing to do something with his friends instead. Are we breaking any rules?
In this instance, DH is available and can take SS15 with him.

Has anyone had situations with that parental preference clause

Also, the claim Dh is consistently late...they have to back at 7:00, they usually are late but that is bc of practice or the kids forget soemthing. They have never been home any later than 7:45. Usually it's around 7:20. If we are going to be late due to homework issues, we call and let her know that reason.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23851 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:24:05 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23851
I am thankful for a lot of things, I am sure, but nothing is coming to mind today! Not in a bad way...

What have you got, ladies? Inspire me!]]>
I am thankful for a lot of things, I am sure, but nothing is coming to mind today! Not in a bad way...

What have you got, ladies? Inspire me!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23850 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:52:55 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23850

As some of you may remember, BM filed for a custody modification after she got married in June. She wants joint legal custody and unsupervised visits, NEITHER of which my husband will agree to. Ugh. Back to court we go. We have had a whopping ONE YEAR reprieve from court during the 5 years that we have had custody of the skids.

Here is what needs to happen before a trial is scheduled:

1. Parenting class (separately)
2. Mediation orientation (together)
3. Conciliation (together)
4. Short-list hearing in front of the judge (together)

All of this is designed to force a settlement.

We are in a new venue (she had to file in our state instead of BM's state where the last battle was held), and BM has already started her stupid games, trying to convince everyone in the system that my DH is a horrible abuser that manipulated the system into giving him custody. She conveniently forgets to mention the child endangerment charges against her and how CPS had to remove my skids from her because she was deemed unfit.

My husband went to the mandatory parenting class last night. BM has not gone at all.

BM's attorney wrote a letter saying that BM is on vacation through September, so she can't do the mediation orientation (also required) until after mid-September. This is the woman paying below statutory child support, refusing to get a job, and refusing to pay the judgment against her for court fees for our LAST trial. Somehow, she is ALWAYS on vacation, and yet she can pay for attorneys to file TWO lawsuits in one year (she filed against her sister-in-law back in February). And yes, *going on vacation* is more important than figuring out how to see her kids again. The only good part of this is that I seriously doubt she will be visiting my kids until this is all over...which, given her stupid stalling, might not be for a LONG time.

There is one thing that, for some reason, has been pixxing me off especially badly. Here's some background:

So, BM is *required* via court order to keep DH informed of her current and accurate contact information. However, we know for a fact that she has moved all over the place and NEVER informed us - even when we asked via certified letter. She insists that she is still living with her mother in state A, while we have evidence (including licenses, marriage, online posts, etc.) that she is living in state B with her new husband.

Here's what annoys me:

We received a letter from the mediator that was addressed to BM and DH. BM's address on the letter was listed as CONFIDENTIAL!!! WTF??! The ONLY reason a mediator would list the address as confidential is if BM has *already* fed him sob stories about how scared she is of DH, and how she is convinced that he will hunt her down and kill her if he knows where she lives.

Here is the kicker, though: BM'S CURRENT ADDRESS (her new DH's address) IS LISTED AS HER ADDRESS ON OUR (public) COUNTY COURT WEBSITE!!!!

BM is NOT worried about DH finding her and killing her (which is what she told the custody evaluator in our last case, too). She JUST wants to influence the mediator's view of my DH before they've even had their first meeting!!!!

I swear, this woman is so full of crap, and she pixxes me off so badly sometimes. She is just SO STUPID AND MANIPULATIVE! She lies to anyone and everyone, she doesn't give a rat's arse about her kids - she visited them 18 times out of 61 possible visits in the past 2 years. And she ONLY visits when she has a new BF (now husband) to impress. She isn't going to visit them until this court case is over, which given her stalling and requests for continuances could be MONTHS!!

Ugh. She makes me sick.

Yes, I know I shouldn't be worrying about this. She will never change. But she is costing us and my IL's a LOT of money in the meantime. I can't stand her.

]]>

As some of you may remember, BM filed for a custody modification after she got married in June. She wants joint legal custody and unsupervised visits, NEITHER of which my husband will agree to. Ugh. Back to court we go. We have had a whopping ONE YEAR reprieve from court during the 5 years that we have had custody of the skids.

Here is what needs to happen before a trial is scheduled:

1. Parenting class (separately)
2. Mediation orientation (together)
3. Conciliation (together)
4. Short-list hearing in front of the judge (together)

All of this is designed to force a settlement.

We are in a new venue (she had to file in our state instead of BM's state where the last battle was held), and BM has already started her stupid games, trying to convince everyone in the system that my DH is a horrible abuser that manipulated the system into giving him custody. She conveniently forgets to mention the child endangerment charges against her and how CPS had to remove my skids from her because she was deemed unfit.

My husband went to the mandatory parenting class last night. BM has not gone at all.

BM's attorney wrote a letter saying that BM is on vacation through September, so she can't do the mediation orientation (also required) until after mid-September. This is the woman paying below statutory child support, refusing to get a job, and refusing to pay the judgment against her for court fees for our LAST trial. Somehow, she is ALWAYS on vacation, and yet she can pay for attorneys to file TWO lawsuits in one year (she filed against her sister-in-law back in February). And yes, *going on vacation* is more important than figuring out how to see her kids again. The only good part of this is that I seriously doubt she will be visiting my kids until this is all over...which, given her stupid stalling, might not be for a LONG time.

There is one thing that, for some reason, has been pixxing me off especially badly. Here's some background:

So, BM is *required* via court order to keep DH informed of her current and accurate contact information. However, we know for a fact that she has moved all over the place and NEVER informed us - even when we asked via certified letter. She insists that she is still living with her mother in state A, while we have evidence (including licenses, marriage, online posts, etc.) that she is living in state B with her new husband.

Here's what annoys me:

We received a letter from the mediator that was addressed to BM and DH. BM's address on the letter was listed as CONFIDENTIAL!!! WTF??! The ONLY reason a mediator would list the address as confidential is if BM has *already* fed him sob stories about how scared she is of DH, and how she is convinced that he will hunt her down and kill her if he knows where she lives.

Here is the kicker, though: BM'S CURRENT ADDRESS (her new DH's address) IS LISTED AS HER ADDRESS ON OUR (public) COUNTY COURT WEBSITE!!!!

BM is NOT worried about DH finding her and killing her (which is what she told the custody evaluator in our last case, too). She JUST wants to influence the mediator's view of my DH before they've even had their first meeting!!!!

I swear, this woman is so full of crap, and she pixxes me off so badly sometimes. She is just SO STUPID AND MANIPULATIVE! She lies to anyone and everyone, she doesn't give a rat's arse about her kids - she visited them 18 times out of 61 possible visits in the past 2 years. And she ONLY visits when she has a new BF (now husband) to impress. She isn't going to visit them until this court case is over, which given her stalling and requests for continuances could be MONTHS!!

Ugh. She makes me sick.

Yes, I know I shouldn't be worrying about this. She will never change. But she is costing us and my IL's a LOT of money in the meantime. I can't stand her.

]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23849 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:42:59 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23849
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38463013/ns/...http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38463013/ns/technology_and_scienc]]>
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38463013/ns/...http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38463013/ns/technology_and_scienc]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23848 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 05:00:24 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23848
My SS was here for two weeks for his first visit of the summer. My SD was here for the first week only. So during the second week, I really encouraged SS and DH to spend as much father/son time as they could. Each day they did something just the two of them. They went camping one night and DH told me that he and SS were talking about our DD. SS is SO attached to her and absolutely loves her to bits. They were talking about how hard it is to have to leave and not see her etc. Then DH told him that the offer is always there that he could live with us. DH said he didn't expect any reply from him, just said it and continued talking about stuff to not put any pressure on him.

SD then sent an email to her friends (but included me???) about her needing advice. She said that SS wants to spend more time with us and possibly move here and that would destroy her family and her happiness. I'm not going to reply because anything I say to her goes straight to her mom, then I get some nasty message/email about violating the BM's rights followed by a legal letter. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? The skids won't be visiting again until the middle of August.

I know SS loves both of his parents and BM has always manipulated the kids into believing their dad is terrible. SD buys into it but SS is getting to the point where he can see the truth. I don't want to get my hopes up but that email shows me that something has changed...or is it just another nasty game SD is playing? Trust me when I say she is as manipulative as her mother.

Sorry for the long post...!]]>
My SS was here for two weeks for his first visit of the summer. My SD was here for the first week only. So during the second week, I really encouraged SS and DH to spend as much father/son time as they could. Each day they did something just the two of them. They went camping one night and DH told me that he and SS were talking about our DD. SS is SO attached to her and absolutely loves her to bits. They were talking about how hard it is to have to leave and not see her etc. Then DH told him that the offer is always there that he could live with us. DH said he didn't expect any reply from him, just said it and continued talking about stuff to not put any pressure on him.

SD then sent an email to her friends (but included me???) about her needing advice. She said that SS wants to spend more time with us and possibly move here and that would destroy her family and her happiness. I'm not going to reply because anything I say to her goes straight to her mom, then I get some nasty message/email about violating the BM's rights followed by a legal letter. Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? The skids won't be visiting again until the middle of August.

I know SS loves both of his parents and BM has always manipulated the kids into believing their dad is terrible. SD buys into it but SS is getting to the point where he can see the truth. I don't want to get my hopes up but that email shows me that something has changed...or is it just another nasty game SD is playing? Trust me when I say she is as manipulative as her mother.

Sorry for the long post...!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23847 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:59:56 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23847 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23846 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:54:35 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23846
DO you guys have any tips on how you keep your homes organized?]]>
DO you guys have any tips on how you keep your homes organized?]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23845 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:20:05 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23845

Now I just gotta make sure she stays PUT!!

Yay though........am slightly excited....in case ya can't tell !!!]]>

Now I just gotta make sure she stays PUT!!

Yay though........am slightly excited....in case ya can't tell !!!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23844 Thu, 29 Jul 2010 01:15:25 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23844 ]]> ]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23843 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:36:47 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23843
DH continued to send money to SD after she turned 18 and continued until about a month ago. BM rented SD and boyfriend an apartment a year ago and has paid for everything, her rent, utilities, cell phone, cable, car insurance and has never made SD pay for anything. What is this teaching her? We did not help pay for rent as we did not agree with the arangements but DH, over the last year has not sent much cash but did send Walmart gift cards. We did not send cash as because of issues over the last year we didn't want to send money as we feared it would be used for alcohol or etc. Now criminal issues arose again and SD has moved back home with BM so DH isn't really sending anything now. But while SD was living expense free she would complain about the Gift cards cause she said that it would be nice if he sent cash so she could have gas money...... get a freaking job!!!

So now BM says that SD doesn't have to work when school starts again. Really why. She is going to a community college its not like it would be hard to get a small job. This is driving me crazy!! Any advice ladies]]>
DH continued to send money to SD after she turned 18 and continued until about a month ago. BM rented SD and boyfriend an apartment a year ago and has paid for everything, her rent, utilities, cell phone, cable, car insurance and has never made SD pay for anything. What is this teaching her? We did not help pay for rent as we did not agree with the arangements but DH, over the last year has not sent much cash but did send Walmart gift cards. We did not send cash as because of issues over the last year we didn't want to send money as we feared it would be used for alcohol or etc. Now criminal issues arose again and SD has moved back home with BM so DH isn't really sending anything now. But while SD was living expense free she would complain about the Gift cards cause she said that it would be nice if he sent cash so she could have gas money...... get a freaking job!!!

So now BM says that SD doesn't have to work when school starts again. Really why. She is going to a community college its not like it would be hard to get a small job. This is driving me crazy!! Any advice ladies]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23842 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:23:42 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23842
I am sorry to inform you but the birth of the kids was NOT immaculate conception & you are not the only parent. I understand you have those protective "mama bear" insticts or whatever you call them but they truly are not needed while the kids are at our house. Dh is a GREAT parent & sad to say but out of the both of you, he's honestly the stronger & more stable one. You really owe dh an apology for acting like such a complete jerk today. If the roles were reversed & dh talked to you the way you do to him, you would be throwing a tantrum the size of Texas.

While we're here, yes I absolutely think ss stole that money. Not once have I accused either kid of something I wasn't sure they did. Also, teaching your kids to lie, twist & embellish is a slippery slope to teach them. Unfortunately for ss it will end in him getting in HUGE trouble with an adult or an older kid beating the living tar out of him.

Before you scream & yell at dh like he has no clue, maybe you should look in a mirror at the things you yourself are teaching the kids. The things about them that drive you nuts, they've learned from you...]]>
I am sorry to inform you but the birth of the kids was NOT immaculate conception & you are not the only parent. I understand you have those protective "mama bear" insticts or whatever you call them but they truly are not needed while the kids are at our house. Dh is a GREAT parent & sad to say but out of the both of you, he's honestly the stronger & more stable one. You really owe dh an apology for acting like such a complete jerk today. If the roles were reversed & dh talked to you the way you do to him, you would be throwing a tantrum the size of Texas.

While we're here, yes I absolutely think ss stole that money. Not once have I accused either kid of something I wasn't sure they did. Also, teaching your kids to lie, twist & embellish is a slippery slope to teach them. Unfortunately for ss it will end in him getting in HUGE trouble with an adult or an older kid beating the living tar out of him.

Before you scream & yell at dh like he has no clue, maybe you should look in a mirror at the things you yourself are teaching the kids. The things about them that drive you nuts, they've learned from you...]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23841 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:18:01 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23841
Background: BM & my DH met and found out they were pregnant within 2 months of dating. DH decided to marry her because (even then he knew she was psycho) he didnt want her to stick him with all the medical bills since she didnt have insurance. They got married in April 2007. She didnt move in with him until August 2007 (and they "split up" for a month in June). SD was born in November. She left him 7 days after she was born, and tried to accuse him of assult and slapped a protective order on him. He didnt see SD (now 2 & 1/2) for weeks afterwards. DH found NOT guilty of the assault, and granted joint physical & legal custody of SD. I met DH 7 months after they separated and stuck by him thru the whole divorce process. BM found out about me about a year after we started dating so she dragged the divorce out even longer. We got married 2.5 months ago. Since I have been in SD's life since she was 7 months old, she refers to me as mommy...she started calling me this on her own.

Problem: BM did not want to meet me until after DH & I were married. A few weeks ago, after her & DH are finally on speaking terms, he asked if she wanted to have a civil meeting with me prior to me starting to do pick up/drop off's. She then brought up that she didnt think it was appropriate for SD to be calling me mommy because "she has ONE mommy and ONE daddy" (her words). She said that SD could call me by my name or Miss Becki. DH told her nicely that he was not going to tell SD not to call me mommy, as I am a mother figure to her and it was SD's choice as to what she calls me. BM did not say anything after this but acted upset and said she would have to think about whether or not she wanted to meet with me. She still has not given us an answer.

Ever since then, SD has been telling me, DH and DH's mom that she doesnt love us. She has even gone as far as to smack us in the face when she says it. When she did it to me I grabbed her hand and told her it was not nice to hit, and that Daddy and I do love her very much. We picked her up today for her Wed-Fri visit with us. DH is working night work this week so I was putting her to bed myself. She is potty training now and sitting on the potty for the last time before bed. All the sudden she bursts out in tears and says "I want my other mommy!" I told her it was time to stay at daddy's house and that she was going back to her other house on Friday. She kept repeating over and over while crying, she wants to go back to her other house. I kept trying to explain that Daddy loves her too and wants to spend time with her. Then she started saying that she didnt love us again and she loved her other mommy. I told her that it wasnt nice to say that, and that daddy, me and her other mommy love her very much. I called DH to talk to her too and he asked her if someone told her to say that she didnt love us. She said her other mommy told her to say that. We told her that it was not nice of her other mommy to say that and Daddy and I love her more than anything in the world. At this point she is hysterical screaming that she wants to go to her other house and she doesnt want to stay with us. I finally got her off the potty and took her back in the bedroom and sat with her in the rocker and told her that no matter what anyone else tells her, me, daddy, her other mommy, all the grandparents, pets and everyone loves her. And that it is OK for her to love everyone too. I told her it was mean for her other mommy to say we didnt love her, and I was sorry that she had to keep going back and forth between mommy & daddy's house. By then I was crying trying to talk to her about this because I really dont know how to handle this. DH wants to confront BM but what could he say? She will just deny telling SD this. And yes, it is hurtful to us to hear those words come out of SD's mouth but the main person BM is hurting is her own daughter. Telling her that people she stays with 1/3 of the time dont love her and giving her anxiety about staying here overnight. I am really at a loss for what to do or say in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. And again, sorry so long!]]>
Background: BM & my DH met and found out they were pregnant within 2 months of dating. DH decided to marry her because (even then he knew she was psycho) he didnt want her to stick him with all the medical bills since she didnt have insurance. They got married in April 2007. She didnt move in with him until August 2007 (and they "split up" for a month in June). SD was born in November. She left him 7 days after she was born, and tried to accuse him of assult and slapped a protective order on him. He didnt see SD (now 2 & 1/2) for weeks afterwards. DH found NOT guilty of the assault, and granted joint physical & legal custody of SD. I met DH 7 months after they separated and stuck by him thru the whole divorce process. BM found out about me about a year after we started dating so she dragged the divorce out even longer. We got married 2.5 months ago. Since I have been in SD's life since she was 7 months old, she refers to me as mommy...she started calling me this on her own.

Problem: BM did not want to meet me until after DH & I were married. A few weeks ago, after her & DH are finally on speaking terms, he asked if she wanted to have a civil meeting with me prior to me starting to do pick up/drop off's. She then brought up that she didnt think it was appropriate for SD to be calling me mommy because "she has ONE mommy and ONE daddy" (her words). She said that SD could call me by my name or Miss Becki. DH told her nicely that he was not going to tell SD not to call me mommy, as I am a mother figure to her and it was SD's choice as to what she calls me. BM did not say anything after this but acted upset and said she would have to think about whether or not she wanted to meet with me. She still has not given us an answer.

Ever since then, SD has been telling me, DH and DH's mom that she doesnt love us. She has even gone as far as to smack us in the face when she says it. When she did it to me I grabbed her hand and told her it was not nice to hit, and that Daddy and I do love her very much. We picked her up today for her Wed-Fri visit with us. DH is working night work this week so I was putting her to bed myself. She is potty training now and sitting on the potty for the last time before bed. All the sudden she bursts out in tears and says "I want my other mommy!" I told her it was time to stay at daddy's house and that she was going back to her other house on Friday. She kept repeating over and over while crying, she wants to go back to her other house. I kept trying to explain that Daddy loves her too and wants to spend time with her. Then she started saying that she didnt love us again and she loved her other mommy. I told her that it wasnt nice to say that, and that daddy, me and her other mommy love her very much. I called DH to talk to her too and he asked her if someone told her to say that she didnt love us. She said her other mommy told her to say that. We told her that it was not nice of her other mommy to say that and Daddy and I love her more than anything in the world. At this point she is hysterical screaming that she wants to go to her other house and she doesnt want to stay with us. I finally got her off the potty and took her back in the bedroom and sat with her in the rocker and told her that no matter what anyone else tells her, me, daddy, her other mommy, all the grandparents, pets and everyone loves her. And that it is OK for her to love everyone too. I told her it was mean for her other mommy to say we didnt love her, and I was sorry that she had to keep going back and forth between mommy & daddy's house. By then I was crying trying to talk to her about this because I really dont know how to handle this. DH wants to confront BM but what could he say? She will just deny telling SD this. And yes, it is hurtful to us to hear those words come out of SD's mouth but the main person BM is hurting is her own daughter. Telling her that people she stays with 1/3 of the time dont love her and giving her anxiety about staying here overnight. I am really at a loss for what to do or say in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. And again, sorry so long!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23840 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 22:04:10 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23840
Background: BM & my DH met and found out they were pregnant within 2 months of dating. DH decided to marry her because (even then he knew she was psycho) he didnt want her to stick him with all the medical bills since she didnt have insurance. They got married in April 2007. She didnt move in with him until August 2007 (and they "split up" for a month in June). SD was born in November. She left him 7 days after she was born, and tried to accuse him of assult and slapped a protective order on him. He didnt see SD (now 2 & 1/2) for weeks afterwards. DH found NOT guilty of the assault, and granted joint physical & legal custody of SD. I met DH 7 months after they separated and stuck by him thru the whole divorce process. BM found out about me about a year after we started dating so she dragged the divorce out even longer. We got married 2.5 months ago. Since I have been in SD's life since she was 7 months old, she refers to me as mommy...she started calling me this on her own.

Problem: BM did not want to meet me until after DH & I were married. A few weeks ago, after her & DH are finally on speaking terms, he asked if she wanted to have a civil meeting with me prior to me starting to do pick up/drop off's. She then brought up that she didnt think it was appropriate for SD to be calling me mommy because "she has ONE mommy and ONE daddy" (her words). She said that SD could call me by my name or Miss Becki. DH told her nicely that he was not going to tell SD not to call me mommy, as I am a mother figure to her and it was SD's choice as to what she calls me. BM did not say anything after this but acted upset and said she would have to think about whether or not she wanted to meet with me. She still has not given us an answer.

Ever since then, SD has been telling me, DH and DH's mom that she doesnt love us. She has even gone as far as to smack us in the face when she says it. When she did it to me I grabbed her hand and told her it was not nice to hit, and that Daddy and I do love her very much. We picked her up today for her Wed-Fri visit with us. DH is working night work this week so I was putting her to bed myself. She is potty training now and sitting on the potty for the last time before bed. All the sudden she bursts out in tears and says "I want my other mommy!" I told her it was time to stay at daddy's house and that she was going back to her other house on Friday. She kept repeating over and over while crying, she wants to go back to her other house. I kept trying to explain that Daddy loves her too and wants to spend time with her. Then she started saying that she didnt love us again and she loved her other mommy. I told her that it wasnt nice to say that, and that daddy, me and her other mommy love her very much. I called DH to talk to her too and he asked her if someone told her to say that she didnt love us. She said her other mommy told her to say that. We told her that it was not nice of her other mommy to say that and Daddy and I love her more than anything in the world. At this point she is hysterical screaming that she wants to go to her other house and she doesnt want to stay with us. I finally got her off the potty and took her back in the bedroom and sat with her in the rocker and told her that no matter what anyone else tells her, me, daddy, her other mommy, all the grandparents, pets and everyone loves her. And that it is OK for her to love everyone too. I told her it was mean for her other mommy to say we didnt love her, and I was sorry that she had to keep going back and forth between mommy & daddy's house. By then I was crying trying to talk to her about this because I really dont know how to handle this. DH wants to confront BM but what could he say? She will just deny telling SD this. And yes, it is hurtful to us to hear those words come out of SD's mouth but the main person BM is hurting is her own daughter. Telling her that people she stays with 1/3 of the time dont love her and giving her anxiety about staying here overnight. I am really at a loss for what to do or say in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. And again, sorry so long!]]>
Background: BM & my DH met and found out they were pregnant within 2 months of dating. DH decided to marry her because (even then he knew she was psycho) he didnt want her to stick him with all the medical bills since she didnt have insurance. They got married in April 2007. She didnt move in with him until August 2007 (and they "split up" for a month in June). SD was born in November. She left him 7 days after she was born, and tried to accuse him of assult and slapped a protective order on him. He didnt see SD (now 2 & 1/2) for weeks afterwards. DH found NOT guilty of the assault, and granted joint physical & legal custody of SD. I met DH 7 months after they separated and stuck by him thru the whole divorce process. BM found out about me about a year after we started dating so she dragged the divorce out even longer. We got married 2.5 months ago. Since I have been in SD's life since she was 7 months old, she refers to me as mommy...she started calling me this on her own.

Problem: BM did not want to meet me until after DH & I were married. A few weeks ago, after her & DH are finally on speaking terms, he asked if she wanted to have a civil meeting with me prior to me starting to do pick up/drop off's. She then brought up that she didnt think it was appropriate for SD to be calling me mommy because "she has ONE mommy and ONE daddy" (her words). She said that SD could call me by my name or Miss Becki. DH told her nicely that he was not going to tell SD not to call me mommy, as I am a mother figure to her and it was SD's choice as to what she calls me. BM did not say anything after this but acted upset and said she would have to think about whether or not she wanted to meet with me. She still has not given us an answer.

Ever since then, SD has been telling me, DH and DH's mom that she doesnt love us. She has even gone as far as to smack us in the face when she says it. When she did it to me I grabbed her hand and told her it was not nice to hit, and that Daddy and I do love her very much. We picked her up today for her Wed-Fri visit with us. DH is working night work this week so I was putting her to bed myself. She is potty training now and sitting on the potty for the last time before bed. All the sudden she bursts out in tears and says "I want my other mommy!" I told her it was time to stay at daddy's house and that she was going back to her other house on Friday. She kept repeating over and over while crying, she wants to go back to her other house. I kept trying to explain that Daddy loves her too and wants to spend time with her. Then she started saying that she didnt love us again and she loved her other mommy. I told her that it wasnt nice to say that, and that daddy, me and her other mommy love her very much. I called DH to talk to her too and he asked her if someone told her to say that she didnt love us. She said her other mommy told her to say that. We told her that it was not nice of her other mommy to say that and Daddy and I love her more than anything in the world. At this point she is hysterical screaming that she wants to go to her other house and she doesnt want to stay with us. I finally got her off the potty and took her back in the bedroom and sat with her in the rocker and told her that no matter what anyone else tells her, me, daddy, her other mommy, all the grandparents, pets and everyone loves her. And that it is OK for her to love everyone too. I told her it was mean for her other mommy to say we didnt love her, and I was sorry that she had to keep going back and forth between mommy & daddy's house. By then I was crying trying to talk to her about this because I really dont know how to handle this. DH wants to confront BM but what could he say? She will just deny telling SD this. And yes, it is hurtful to us to hear those words come out of SD's mouth but the main person BM is hurting is her own daughter. Telling her that people she stays with 1/3 of the time dont love her and giving her anxiety about staying here overnight. I am really at a loss for what to do or say in this situation. Any advice would be appreciated. And again, sorry so long!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23839 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:17:26 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23839
What is wrong with this kid???? I absolutely cannot understand why the only thing he wants to do is watch TV. He has plenty of toys and space to play with them. I offered to play with him. He does not want to do anything but TV and video games. What can I do to stop this? Other than being seriously abnormal, it gets on my everloving last nerve for him to just sit there on the couch and stare at the blank TV. He will sit there for hours doing absolutely nothing, not talking or anything. I don't know if he is waiting for me to turn the TV on or what is going through his mind.

Now he is in bed, which, in retrospect I wish I hadn't said, because I really didn't want him to go to bed at 7:00 and wake up at the crack of dawn. I really didn't think he would choose bed, but I had to follow through once he did. And when he wakes up at 6am, I'm sure DH will just turn the TV on and let him watch it for a good 3 or 4 hours before he even gets dressed. It just drives me CRAZY!!!! Help!]]>
What is wrong with this kid???? I absolutely cannot understand why the only thing he wants to do is watch TV. He has plenty of toys and space to play with them. I offered to play with him. He does not want to do anything but TV and video games. What can I do to stop this? Other than being seriously abnormal, it gets on my everloving last nerve for him to just sit there on the couch and stare at the blank TV. He will sit there for hours doing absolutely nothing, not talking or anything. I don't know if he is waiting for me to turn the TV on or what is going through his mind.

Now he is in bed, which, in retrospect I wish I hadn't said, because I really didn't want him to go to bed at 7:00 and wake up at the crack of dawn. I really didn't think he would choose bed, but I had to follow through once he did. And when he wakes up at 6am, I'm sure DH will just turn the TV on and let him watch it for a good 3 or 4 hours before he even gets dressed. It just drives me CRAZY!!!! Help!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23838 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:03:35 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23838 Ladies, DH's family (on his dad's mom's side) has a HUGE history of cancer--FIL just named about 15 people on that side of the family that had cancer-including FIL, he's been cancer-free, though, for quite some time, thank goodness! His family really needs prayers. I haven't been around GMIL very much, or AIL, but I've grown to love them!

I'm not supposed to tell DH yet (FIL asked for me to have him call tonight)--but if just feels so wrong...But, I will do as FIL asks.

Please, ladies, whatever you can throw their way, please do! Prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes, etc... ANYTHING! They are great, loving, amazing women!]]> Ladies, DH's family (on his dad's mom's side) has a HUGE history of cancer--FIL just named about 15 people on that side of the family that had cancer-including FIL, he's been cancer-free, though, for quite some time, thank goodness! His family really needs prayers. I haven't been around GMIL very much, or AIL, but I've grown to love them!

I'm not supposed to tell DH yet (FIL asked for me to have him call tonight)--but if just feels so wrong...But, I will do as FIL asks.

Please, ladies, whatever you can throw their way, please do! Prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes, etc... ANYTHING! They are great, loving, amazing women!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23837 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:13:19 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23837
UPDate: This last January, DH brought SD19 back to live with us, after her being gone for 3 years. (Big shocker "quick, buy a plane ticket, SD's coming back!") Ok, the 3 little ones were in heaven having their sister back, and I got to hug SD all the time. Good. BUT.......

DH went a bit over the top, promised SD19 a HORSE of her own if she would live with us again. Bribe? yup. But he calls it "an incentive to change her life around." Well, I wasn't going to let my BD8 get left behind, so I demanded a horse for her too. Yup. Two horses. SD got a job, and we talked about her going to the junior college.

SD19 lasted for almost two months before BMs crying on the phone (about how helpless she is w/o SD) finally broke SD. SD went back to Calif. and we are left with two horses.

BD8 and I LOVE the horses. What a joy for us, grand plans for future adventures. But the problem is: we really can't afford the horses. The hay prices here in Alaska are crazy. Sure, SD19 would have helped contribute some money to the hay bill, but DH would have paid most of it. DH claims he really didn't consider the long-term, his plan was just get SD here in Alaska any way he could.

Hopefully next year, we will be on our own property; will no longer pay rent = money for hay. On the other hand, it is still a commitment to a lot of money per year. Money that is not going into the building of our house.

Advice?
1. Get rid of them. 2. Keep them and budget. 3. Beat DH daily for bringing beautiful creatures into our lives and then saying, "Oh we can't afford them."]]>
UPDate: This last January, DH brought SD19 back to live with us, after her being gone for 3 years. (Big shocker "quick, buy a plane ticket, SD's coming back!") Ok, the 3 little ones were in heaven having their sister back, and I got to hug SD all the time. Good. BUT.......

DH went a bit over the top, promised SD19 a HORSE of her own if she would live with us again. Bribe? yup. But he calls it "an incentive to change her life around." Well, I wasn't going to let my BD8 get left behind, so I demanded a horse for her too. Yup. Two horses. SD got a job, and we talked about her going to the junior college.

SD19 lasted for almost two months before BMs crying on the phone (about how helpless she is w/o SD) finally broke SD. SD went back to Calif. and we are left with two horses.

BD8 and I LOVE the horses. What a joy for us, grand plans for future adventures. But the problem is: we really can't afford the horses. The hay prices here in Alaska are crazy. Sure, SD19 would have helped contribute some money to the hay bill, but DH would have paid most of it. DH claims he really didn't consider the long-term, his plan was just get SD here in Alaska any way he could.

Hopefully next year, we will be on our own property; will no longer pay rent = money for hay. On the other hand, it is still a commitment to a lot of money per year. Money that is not going into the building of our house.

Advice?
1. Get rid of them. 2. Keep them and budget. 3. Beat DH daily for bringing beautiful creatures into our lives and then saying, "Oh we can't afford them."]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23836 Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:02:12 -0400 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=23836
SS has been staying with a babysitter during the day while DH and I are at work. The babysitter is my best friend's husband, who lost his job a couple months ago. They have a 5 year old son, and SS and him like to play together. Last night when I went to pick him up, best friend's DH met me outside to tell me about something that happened that day.

He told me that he walked into his son's room, because he could hear them in there wrestling (you know how boys are), and he was going to tell them to calm down. When he walked in there, he found SS on top of friend, and they were like... grinding on each other. They were clothed, but he said they were definitely rubbing their private parts on each others. Grosssss and inapproriate in so many ways...

Best friend's DH got onto both of them and told them basically that those areas are private and we do NOT let anyone else touch our private areas. Neither kid would talk about it at all, so he basically just told them never to do that again, etc. But he let us know about the incident so we (ahem, DH because I am NOT going there) could talk to SS about it. Not necessarily about that particular thing, but just in general, having an age-appropriate sex talk with him. Ugh.

What should we make of this? It's just so extremely bizarre that I don't know what to think. Should we be concerned that the boys are picking up inappropriate behaviors somewhere? Or do you think it was just an accident, one of those wrong place at the wrong time things, where BF's DH just happened to walk in at that moment?]]>
SS has been staying with a babysitter during the day while DH and I are at work. The babysitter is my best friend's husband, who lost his job a couple months ago. They have a 5 year old son, and SS and him like to play together. Last night when I went to pick him up, best friend's DH met me outside to tell me about something that happened that day.

He told me that he walked into his son's room, because he could hear them in there wrestling (you know how boys are), and he was going to tell them to calm down. When he walked in there, he found SS on top of friend, and they were like... grinding on each other. They were clothed, but he said they were definitely rubbing their private parts on each others. Grosssss and inapproriate in so many ways...

Best friend's DH got onto both of them and told them basically that those areas are private and we do NOT let anyone else touch our private areas. Neither kid would talk about it at all, so he basically just told them never to do that again, etc. But he let us know about the incident so we (ahem, DH because I am NOT going there) could talk to SS about it. Not necessarily about that particular thing, but just in general, having an age-appropriate sex talk with him. Ugh.

What should we make of this? It's just so extremely bizarre that I don't know what to think. Should we be concerned that the boys are picking up inappropriate behaviors somewhere? Or do you think it was just an accident, one of those wrong place at the wrong time things, where BF's DH just happened to walk in at that moment?]]>