http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/ Sat, 19 May 2012 00:34:30 +0000 MyBB http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32405 Fri, 18 May 2012 21:34:46 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32405 My SD is turning 5 this July. Her mom has always done the birthday party and will continue to do so. So we'll never be throwing the kid birthday party for SD. This is my first year to be her stepmom on her birthday so I'm unsure of a lot of things. The birthday party will include SD's friends and their parents from her PreK class, none of which I know. It will be at a kid venue so it won't be at the exwife's home. We are cordial and friendly enough with SD's mom to where DH and myself are invited to the party along with my inlaws, DH's sister, and SD's maternal grandparents (DH's former inlaws) will be there as well. Would it be appropriate to ask if my mom could come too? My mom doesn't know SD's mom. Would that be too awkward? Also I am thinking if it is okay for me to invite people to the party I don't think I want to invite my dad and stepmom. First my dad could care less about a kid birthday party, but I'm sure my stepmom would be deeply offended by not being invited(she pushes herself to be invited to everything). I don't like her very much so I guess I could always say the guest list was up to SD's mom and I was not in charge of it. But if my mom was there, and my dad and stepmom weren't invited my stepmom might get offended.]]> My SD is turning 5 this July. Her mom has always done the birthday party and will continue to do so. So we'll never be throwing the kid birthday party for SD. This is my first year to be her stepmom on her birthday so I'm unsure of a lot of things. The birthday party will include SD's friends and their parents from her PreK class, none of which I know. It will be at a kid venue so it won't be at the exwife's home. We are cordial and friendly enough with SD's mom to where DH and myself are invited to the party along with my inlaws, DH's sister, and SD's maternal grandparents (DH's former inlaws) will be there as well. Would it be appropriate to ask if my mom could come too? My mom doesn't know SD's mom. Would that be too awkward? Also I am thinking if it is okay for me to invite people to the party I don't think I want to invite my dad and stepmom. First my dad could care less about a kid birthday party, but I'm sure my stepmom would be deeply offended by not being invited(she pushes herself to be invited to everything). I don't like her very much so I guess I could always say the guest list was up to SD's mom and I was not in charge of it. But if my mom was there, and my dad and stepmom weren't invited my stepmom might get offended.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32404 Fri, 18 May 2012 18:50:06 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32404 I haven't been on here in a while as my husband and I have been going through a pretty rough time recently. We almost separated 2 weeks ago, but decided we want to give it another shot, and have been trying for the last week or so. Things have been improving so I'm trying to keep that up. Anyways, part of our compromise was he needs to pay more attention to our relationship, ME, make us a priority and stop being so self-centered. My compromise was that I would spend time with his son when he comes for visits....ughh...For the past few months I've been completely avoiding SS, going away or just simply not being in the house when he's there. Which, I felt was the only option because his presence just makes me anxious, tense, uncomfortable and on edge, and I shouldn't feel that way in my own home. SOOO, this weekend is his visit....I'm so dreading seeing his face but I'm trying to put on the best poker face I can. I've already made plans of what we're going to do but it honestly makes me want to throw up thinking about spending time with him. I'm so mean. On top of that, which is a whole other topic--his mother pretty much doesn't want him anymore. She keeps saying she wants him to live with us next year, has already recommended schools around us...?!?! I really can't think long term like that because I seriously have to take his presence day-by-day, week-by-week. Otherwise I'll go out of my mind. So, I will put on the best poker face I can, and hopefully you can offer me a tiny bit of encouragement because I'm feeling incredibly un-motivated. Have a great weekend everyone!]]> I haven't been on here in a while as my husband and I have been going through a pretty rough time recently. We almost separated 2 weeks ago, but decided we want to give it another shot, and have been trying for the last week or so. Things have been improving so I'm trying to keep that up. Anyways, part of our compromise was he needs to pay more attention to our relationship, ME, make us a priority and stop being so self-centered. My compromise was that I would spend time with his son when he comes for visits....ughh...For the past few months I've been completely avoiding SS, going away or just simply not being in the house when he's there. Which, I felt was the only option because his presence just makes me anxious, tense, uncomfortable and on edge, and I shouldn't feel that way in my own home. SOOO, this weekend is his visit....I'm so dreading seeing his face but I'm trying to put on the best poker face I can. I've already made plans of what we're going to do but it honestly makes me want to throw up thinking about spending time with him. I'm so mean. On top of that, which is a whole other topic--his mother pretty much doesn't want him anymore. She keeps saying she wants him to live with us next year, has already recommended schools around us...?!?! I really can't think long term like that because I seriously have to take his presence day-by-day, week-by-week. Otherwise I'll go out of my mind. So, I will put on the best poker face I can, and hopefully you can offer me a tiny bit of encouragement because I'm feeling incredibly un-motivated. Have a great weekend everyone!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32403 Fri, 18 May 2012 17:57:56 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32403
MIL brought gma to see me at work. We went to lunch. Got off on the subject of skids and summer. BM had told MIL that she made copies of extra practice school work for YSS to do during the summer. So that she can help YSS and I can help him this summer... I guess I shouldn't have opened my mouth... but I was just having a conversation. I wasn't trying to be ugly. And I thought MIL was on my side as far as BM goes. That is the problem. She is on the "side" that gives her the most drama to gossip about!

Anyway, I told her that since BM doesn't work during the summer, that she can take care of that. I am not going to work all day and get off at 5pm and do "homework" with YSS during the summer when his MOTHER is not working. She can do it!

MIL looked at me and told me, "Well, you don't do it now!" WHAT? I don't? REALLY? I don't come home at 5:30 and sit down with that child and hold his hand while he fights me tooth and nail to do his homework that should have been done at 3:30 when he goto off the bus, but MIL felt like she just didn't need to do it with him anymore, because she is the grandma and I am the stepmom so she was going to let him do whatever he wanted and eat all kinds of junk food for 2 hours until I got home, then let me handle it! I have been doing that for TWO years! And I have felt guilty when those boys come home with bad grades! I have beat myself up because I have felt like it was MY responsibility! When it ISN'T!!!

OH, I was so mad... I just clammed up and didn't say another word... well, actually, I did... I disinvited her to dinner tonight. I don't want her in my house for a while. I want to seperate myself from her! I don't want to see or talk to her. I am done!

I called DH and he totally understood and agreed with me. I cried and came back into work with a red face. I left my gma with her. I would have taken her home myself, but we live about 30 minutes out of town... so I wouldn't be able to make it back to work in time... I hate that MIL is the one "entertaining" gma while I am at work. Thankfully, gma is able to take care of herself while I am not home. So she doesn't have to go with MIL if she doesn't want to. So at least I am not forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do. I am certain she will understand what is going on. I just hate that she had to see that...

I will be okay. I am thankful my DH is on my side in this. I told him not to say anything to his mom... but I might change my mind on that. What do you ladies think?

I am not shaking as bad now... I had a friend come by my desk. Everyone else is at lunch... so I was able to vent to her a bit.

Girls, thank you for letting me "cry" it out... I really think this group is my saving grace where this smom thing is concerned. It gives me a place to release most of my fumes before I can cause too much damage with my tongue.

Love to you all!]]>
MIL brought gma to see me at work. We went to lunch. Got off on the subject of skids and summer. BM had told MIL that she made copies of extra practice school work for YSS to do during the summer. So that she can help YSS and I can help him this summer... I guess I shouldn't have opened my mouth... but I was just having a conversation. I wasn't trying to be ugly. And I thought MIL was on my side as far as BM goes. That is the problem. She is on the "side" that gives her the most drama to gossip about!

Anyway, I told her that since BM doesn't work during the summer, that she can take care of that. I am not going to work all day and get off at 5pm and do "homework" with YSS during the summer when his MOTHER is not working. She can do it!

MIL looked at me and told me, "Well, you don't do it now!" WHAT? I don't? REALLY? I don't come home at 5:30 and sit down with that child and hold his hand while he fights me tooth and nail to do his homework that should have been done at 3:30 when he goto off the bus, but MIL felt like she just didn't need to do it with him anymore, because she is the grandma and I am the stepmom so she was going to let him do whatever he wanted and eat all kinds of junk food for 2 hours until I got home, then let me handle it! I have been doing that for TWO years! And I have felt guilty when those boys come home with bad grades! I have beat myself up because I have felt like it was MY responsibility! When it ISN'T!!!

OH, I was so mad... I just clammed up and didn't say another word... well, actually, I did... I disinvited her to dinner tonight. I don't want her in my house for a while. I want to seperate myself from her! I don't want to see or talk to her. I am done!

I called DH and he totally understood and agreed with me. I cried and came back into work with a red face. I left my gma with her. I would have taken her home myself, but we live about 30 minutes out of town... so I wouldn't be able to make it back to work in time... I hate that MIL is the one "entertaining" gma while I am at work. Thankfully, gma is able to take care of herself while I am not home. So she doesn't have to go with MIL if she doesn't want to. So at least I am not forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do. I am certain she will understand what is going on. I just hate that she had to see that...

I will be okay. I am thankful my DH is on my side in this. I told him not to say anything to his mom... but I might change my mind on that. What do you ladies think?

I am not shaking as bad now... I had a friend come by my desk. Everyone else is at lunch... so I was able to vent to her a bit.

Girls, thank you for letting me "cry" it out... I really think this group is my saving grace where this smom thing is concerned. It gives me a place to release most of my fumes before I can cause too much damage with my tongue.

Love to you all!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32402 Fri, 18 May 2012 17:32:02 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32402
If the CO states a NCP may pick child up from school on their designated day, is it rude or wrong to wait until you pick up the child to notify the CP? The CO does not have any statements about prior notification to or approval by the CP. In this particular situation, prior notification to the CP has resulted in interference with visitation. Methods of interference include asking the child to choose whether or not to be picked up by NCP, the child being removed from school early, kept home from school completely or both parents showing up at the same time to pick up the child. All of the incidences where prior notification was given resulted in the child being put in the middle of a parental dispute.]]>
If the CO states a NCP may pick child up from school on their designated day, is it rude or wrong to wait until you pick up the child to notify the CP? The CO does not have any statements about prior notification to or approval by the CP. In this particular situation, prior notification to the CP has resulted in interference with visitation. Methods of interference include asking the child to choose whether or not to be picked up by NCP, the child being removed from school early, kept home from school completely or both parents showing up at the same time to pick up the child. All of the incidences where prior notification was given resulted in the child being put in the middle of a parental dispute.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32401 Fri, 18 May 2012 14:02:57 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32401
Well... got something on my mind today. This is something that I think about often. Actually fell asleep fantasizing about it last night.

Having my own baby.

I want one so badly... but right now just doesn't seem like the right time. For many reasons. One is that our house is just too small... We have a few financial goals that we are aiming to reach within the next couple of years. I think that in about 2 to 5 years we will be in a place where I will fill good about bringing my own child into this world. But that will make me anywhere from 33 to 36 years old. Is that too old? I know that many moms have had children into their late 30's even into their 40's... I am sure I will be healthy enough. I am in pretty good shape I think... although, I could always get healthier.

I wonder if it will be best to wait because of the skids too? That will make them teenagers, and soon to be out of the house. What do you ladies think about waiting to have a bio when the skids are older? They will be able to drive so they can come and go as they please. Also they will have more freedom indeciding who they want to live with. I guess I have this fantasy that if I wait until the skids are older, I will be able to focus more on my own baby and not have to "take care" of the skids so much. So my baby will have more attention and I can be the kind of mom that I really want to be.

Does any of this make sense? Do any of you have similar feelings? Any thoughts, opinions, suggestions... are welcome.

DH and I talked about starting to try to have a baby in August... but I am not sure if that is what I want to do or if I want to keep waiting.]]>
Well... got something on my mind today. This is something that I think about often. Actually fell asleep fantasizing about it last night.

Having my own baby.

I want one so badly... but right now just doesn't seem like the right time. For many reasons. One is that our house is just too small... We have a few financial goals that we are aiming to reach within the next couple of years. I think that in about 2 to 5 years we will be in a place where I will fill good about bringing my own child into this world. But that will make me anywhere from 33 to 36 years old. Is that too old? I know that many moms have had children into their late 30's even into their 40's... I am sure I will be healthy enough. I am in pretty good shape I think... although, I could always get healthier.

I wonder if it will be best to wait because of the skids too? That will make them teenagers, and soon to be out of the house. What do you ladies think about waiting to have a bio when the skids are older? They will be able to drive so they can come and go as they please. Also they will have more freedom indeciding who they want to live with. I guess I have this fantasy that if I wait until the skids are older, I will be able to focus more on my own baby and not have to "take care" of the skids so much. So my baby will have more attention and I can be the kind of mom that I really want to be.

Does any of this make sense? Do any of you have similar feelings? Any thoughts, opinions, suggestions... are welcome.

DH and I talked about starting to try to have a baby in August... but I am not sure if that is what I want to do or if I want to keep waiting.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32400 Fri, 18 May 2012 13:24:51 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32400
As you have read. I've been looking at myself and my reactions to SSkids and their actions... and my reactions to pictures of the prior family and more specificially DH w/deceased BM (which will eventually just be stored in boxes for the boys in attic once we finish the move in.)

Ultimately I believe the pictures hit my gut so hard b/c they are a reminder of something I do not belong to. A family I am excluded from. A bond that they all have together without me. I believe this is a normal reaction for someone in my position. OK. So hang in there with me.

DH and I had our turn at SS17s counseling session. We found out that he "feels like a stepson, like second best" despite our every action to not make them feel that way.

So... I say all this because MY SS AND I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!! We both feel left out, second best, not part of the whole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! And no action has really been actively taken to make us feel this way. It's just the way LIFE IS, it's just the way we feel!!!!!

Wow!

I'm looking forward to talking with him one on one about this. I suppose DH could be there too but I almost feel like this is a personal bond we could develop just us two. (I do know I have to be careful not to express anything negative about DH/BMs relationship and how it affect me - i'll just focus on the family unit they make and how I feel on the outskirts. Just like he sees me/DH and bsons.)

On the other hand. I am prepared for him not to understand. He may just approach it like there's nothing the same, that I don't understand.. the typical teen response but at least I'll plant the seed that he'll see later - or maybe when instances occur - we can wink at each other...

Amazing epiphany!
Have a wonderful day today and may you find beauty around you.
Rose]]>
As you have read. I've been looking at myself and my reactions to SSkids and their actions... and my reactions to pictures of the prior family and more specificially DH w/deceased BM (which will eventually just be stored in boxes for the boys in attic once we finish the move in.)

Ultimately I believe the pictures hit my gut so hard b/c they are a reminder of something I do not belong to. A family I am excluded from. A bond that they all have together without me. I believe this is a normal reaction for someone in my position. OK. So hang in there with me.

DH and I had our turn at SS17s counseling session. We found out that he "feels like a stepson, like second best" despite our every action to not make them feel that way.

So... I say all this because MY SS AND I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!! We both feel left out, second best, not part of the whole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow! And no action has really been actively taken to make us feel this way. It's just the way LIFE IS, it's just the way we feel!!!!!

Wow!

I'm looking forward to talking with him one on one about this. I suppose DH could be there too but I almost feel like this is a personal bond we could develop just us two. (I do know I have to be careful not to express anything negative about DH/BMs relationship and how it affect me - i'll just focus on the family unit they make and how I feel on the outskirts. Just like he sees me/DH and bsons.)

On the other hand. I am prepared for him not to understand. He may just approach it like there's nothing the same, that I don't understand.. the typical teen response but at least I'll plant the seed that he'll see later - or maybe when instances occur - we can wink at each other...

Amazing epiphany!
Have a wonderful day today and may you find beauty around you.
Rose]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32399 Fri, 18 May 2012 13:24:35 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32399
I've posted before about how sad it is that my parents don't try to get involved with BF and the skids. My mom will see some pictures or a status I posted on facebook and will bring that up at our Sunday supper, but otherwise they don't make note of birthdays, they've never had an interest in coming to one of their games, they've just stayed completed separated form that whole part of my life. And I can understand that it would be difficult, I mean they get them things for Christmas so it's not like they completely forget about them. They genuinely DO care for them, but BF doesn't make much of an effort to be involved himself, let alone get the skids involved. And then BM ruins any plans we ever DO make, so it;s just...hard.

Anyway, somebody commented that thought maybe it wasn't so much about my parents not paying attention to the skids, but them not paying enough attention to ME. Yup, bingo! There it is!

My mother ADORES my older brother - he has it all! A wife, a house, a good job, and 2 kids. I am NOt married, we rent, I have an ok job that gets me by, but it is not what I went to university for that's for sure! AND I have no bios.

My mother is so involved in my brother and his wife's life - helps them with whatever they need, knows everything that is going on in their lives, she has so much more in common with my SIL than she does with me - I know she talks to her more than she does to me.

When I was home ALONE...in our new townhouse...for 4 months last year when BF went away for work she came over ONCE - to help paint. Never called unless it was to invite me to supper...BF's mother called me like every day.

And now my brother and SIL are moving closer to where my parents live. My mom posts on facebook how thrilled she is that they'll be living just 6 minutes away! Me, being the smarta** that I am, commented that I have been living 6 minutes away for over a year now. yay! ... And then I cried.

I'm sure that someday when I give her some grandchildren (what did my aunt say once...when Salty "comes through with a grandchild") she'll show me more attention...sigh.]]>
I've posted before about how sad it is that my parents don't try to get involved with BF and the skids. My mom will see some pictures or a status I posted on facebook and will bring that up at our Sunday supper, but otherwise they don't make note of birthdays, they've never had an interest in coming to one of their games, they've just stayed completed separated form that whole part of my life. And I can understand that it would be difficult, I mean they get them things for Christmas so it's not like they completely forget about them. They genuinely DO care for them, but BF doesn't make much of an effort to be involved himself, let alone get the skids involved. And then BM ruins any plans we ever DO make, so it;s just...hard.

Anyway, somebody commented that thought maybe it wasn't so much about my parents not paying attention to the skids, but them not paying enough attention to ME. Yup, bingo! There it is!

My mother ADORES my older brother - he has it all! A wife, a house, a good job, and 2 kids. I am NOt married, we rent, I have an ok job that gets me by, but it is not what I went to university for that's for sure! AND I have no bios.

My mother is so involved in my brother and his wife's life - helps them with whatever they need, knows everything that is going on in their lives, she has so much more in common with my SIL than she does with me - I know she talks to her more than she does to me.

When I was home ALONE...in our new townhouse...for 4 months last year when BF went away for work she came over ONCE - to help paint. Never called unless it was to invite me to supper...BF's mother called me like every day.

And now my brother and SIL are moving closer to where my parents live. My mom posts on facebook how thrilled she is that they'll be living just 6 minutes away! Me, being the smarta** that I am, commented that I have been living 6 minutes away for over a year now. yay! ... And then I cried.

I'm sure that someday when I give her some grandchildren (what did my aunt say once...when Salty "comes through with a grandchild") she'll show me more attention...sigh.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32398 Fri, 18 May 2012 12:15:44 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32398 We have 50/50 custody of skids, SS8 & SD6. 4 days on, 4 off. Well, BM usually makes schedule up and gives it to DH. I don't get involved but certainly make my opinion known when it upsets me. Well this upsets me!
Father's Day lands in the middle of our 4 day rotation. BM made up the schedule and since she needed some days swapped she decided to sneak in the saturday dinner time(evening before) until Father's Day at 1-2 p.m. DH looked at the schedule last month and being the man that he is didn't realize it was Father's Day and just thought "Hey, I get an evening with my wife alone" and took it, never questioning why she wanted the kids in the middle of our rotation. Then a few days ago he looked at it and was like "What is this BS?" He talked to her in person and she said "well, we are having brunch with hubby(kids stepfather), dad (kids grandfather) and BIL (kids uncle). LIKE IT WAS OK! Forget the fact that MOTHER'S DAY she had the kids the whole day, I didn't get to see them , neither did DH's mom (their grandmother!).
Now you would think he would fight for this? NOPE. He lit up on her and her father via text but he is giving in. I am not allowed to discuss it, as I don't talk to BM at all. But I am FURIOUS!!!! What a selfish B*TCH!!! She knows I've been diagnosed with cancer and what we are going through but as usual it's all about her, selfish wench that she is!!!
God help me I want to explode but DH won't do a thing about it...so Father's Day morning HIS kids will be celebrating their step father and grand father...as usual HE (WE) get the shaft. I want to move far far away I am just so sick of this CRAP!!!]]> We have 50/50 custody of skids, SS8 & SD6. 4 days on, 4 off. Well, BM usually makes schedule up and gives it to DH. I don't get involved but certainly make my opinion known when it upsets me. Well this upsets me!
Father's Day lands in the middle of our 4 day rotation. BM made up the schedule and since she needed some days swapped she decided to sneak in the saturday dinner time(evening before) until Father's Day at 1-2 p.m. DH looked at the schedule last month and being the man that he is didn't realize it was Father's Day and just thought "Hey, I get an evening with my wife alone" and took it, never questioning why she wanted the kids in the middle of our rotation. Then a few days ago he looked at it and was like "What is this BS?" He talked to her in person and she said "well, we are having brunch with hubby(kids stepfather), dad (kids grandfather) and BIL (kids uncle). LIKE IT WAS OK! Forget the fact that MOTHER'S DAY she had the kids the whole day, I didn't get to see them , neither did DH's mom (their grandmother!).
Now you would think he would fight for this? NOPE. He lit up on her and her father via text but he is giving in. I am not allowed to discuss it, as I don't talk to BM at all. But I am FURIOUS!!!! What a selfish B*TCH!!! She knows I've been diagnosed with cancer and what we are going through but as usual it's all about her, selfish wench that she is!!!
God help me I want to explode but DH won't do a thing about it...so Father's Day morning HIS kids will be celebrating their step father and grand father...as usual HE (WE) get the shaft. I want to move far far away I am just so sick of this CRAP!!!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32397 Thu, 17 May 2012 19:18:18 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32397
Problem 1.) Parent #1 signs kids up for classes, but designates parent #2 to pay. Parent #2 either pays late or not at all. I only have contact information for parent #1 because they don’t feel like it’s necessary to include both parents even though we have two separate places for contact info from both parents.

Problem 2.) Parent #1 signs kids up for dance classes and brings them consistently each week. Parent #2 brings them late or not at all on their day. This isn’t such a big deal with recreational kids, but we have a rule that if competitive kids miss X number of days, they are off the team. If they miss competition, they are off the team, etc.

Here’s the deal. We are a competitive studio, meaning that we go to 3-4 competitions each year. That’s all. It’s not like softball or soccer where you play a million games and it’s ok if you miss one because another kid can cover your position. Dance is also unlike any other team sport because NO other kid knows YOUR choreography. Only Suzie knows Suzie’s part. Plus there are formations to manage, and partnering lifts that depend on everyone being there. If one kid is missing, the entire dance is ruined. The whole team might as well not even perform. You can see how dealing with this can be frustrating. This week is our recital, and we have to spend today re-doing formations because I had to bench a kid for missing the past 2 weeks. It’s maddening!

In order to protect my business and serve the best interest of the other dancers is it fair to insist that both parents to agree to the rules? We have our competitive dancers sign contracts at the start of the year. It’s very serious. But usually only one parent signs the contract. The other parent can say, legally, “I don’t have to bring my kid because it’s my day, and the court says so.” But it’s not fair to everyone else.

I don’t want to shine a spotlight on split household families, but I also need a solution to this problem, which has been plaguing our studio more than ever this year.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get both parents to commit? I feel so badly for the kids. Some of these kids are here 4-5 days a week. Their best friends are here, and it’s not fair when one parent jerks them out of the sport they love, or chooses not to participate (or pay) just because “they can.”

I’m tired of being at the mercy of disagreeing parents who can’t seem to coordinate schedules, or make payment arrangements.]]>
Problem 1.) Parent #1 signs kids up for classes, but designates parent #2 to pay. Parent #2 either pays late or not at all. I only have contact information for parent #1 because they don’t feel like it’s necessary to include both parents even though we have two separate places for contact info from both parents.

Problem 2.) Parent #1 signs kids up for dance classes and brings them consistently each week. Parent #2 brings them late or not at all on their day. This isn’t such a big deal with recreational kids, but we have a rule that if competitive kids miss X number of days, they are off the team. If they miss competition, they are off the team, etc.

Here’s the deal. We are a competitive studio, meaning that we go to 3-4 competitions each year. That’s all. It’s not like softball or soccer where you play a million games and it’s ok if you miss one because another kid can cover your position. Dance is also unlike any other team sport because NO other kid knows YOUR choreography. Only Suzie knows Suzie’s part. Plus there are formations to manage, and partnering lifts that depend on everyone being there. If one kid is missing, the entire dance is ruined. The whole team might as well not even perform. You can see how dealing with this can be frustrating. This week is our recital, and we have to spend today re-doing formations because I had to bench a kid for missing the past 2 weeks. It’s maddening!

In order to protect my business and serve the best interest of the other dancers is it fair to insist that both parents to agree to the rules? We have our competitive dancers sign contracts at the start of the year. It’s very serious. But usually only one parent signs the contract. The other parent can say, legally, “I don’t have to bring my kid because it’s my day, and the court says so.” But it’s not fair to everyone else.

I don’t want to shine a spotlight on split household families, but I also need a solution to this problem, which has been plaguing our studio more than ever this year.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get both parents to commit? I feel so badly for the kids. Some of these kids are here 4-5 days a week. Their best friends are here, and it’s not fair when one parent jerks them out of the sport they love, or chooses not to participate (or pay) just because “they can.”

I’m tired of being at the mercy of disagreeing parents who can’t seem to coordinate schedules, or make payment arrangements.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32396 Thu, 17 May 2012 19:02:33 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32396
DH has seen SD for 2 dinner visits each week, EOW Friday evening through Sunday evening during the school year; 1 dinner visit and 1 overnight each week and EOW Friday evening through Monday morning during the summer; 50/50 (with overnights) for all holiday vacations from school (when BM doesn’t violate the CO), weeknight overnights on days when SD does not have school the following day (when BM doesn’t violate the CO) and one full week of vacation during the summer (BM also gets one full week of vacation with SD) for the past 5 years since the CO was put in place. BM is requesting to basically strip DH of all of his parental rights and make him an EOW weekend dad with NO overnight visitations and only supervised visits. She is basing this off of her crack pot claims that we are “abusive”. We are not abusive, so she obviously has no evidence. Her biggest claim for our “abuse” is that SD had to stand with her nose to the wall and write a letter explaining her conduct when she was caught in a series of lies and manipulations. BM is ignoring all attempts made my the CO’d Mediator to set up a mediation session and has been denying visitations. So far this year we are at 21 separate days of denied visitation.

DH is asking for a 50/50 schedule which will allow SD minimal “exchanges” between parents in an attempt to alleviate her involvement in the conflicts her mom is stirring up. He already has joint legal custody, although BM does not follow it and we have a school secretary and principal who can testify to the fact that BM has asked the school to not allow DH’s access to SD at school and to by-pass him as an emergency contact in favor of BM, and two of her relatives. DH is very involved in SD’s extra curriculars and is a chairholder on the PTA at her school. SD is 10 and if asked, will most likely testify that she thinks “the schedule is fine as it is”. She has told her counselor she is tired of “so many back and forths”. BM thinks this is fuel for her fire to make DH an EOW dad….DH thinks this is fuel for the fire of a blocked schedule with larger periods of time in each residence. SD is somewhat PAS’d by her mom, and would probably agree that seeing her dad EOW is okay with her. Her counselor seems on the fence about her opinions of SD being PAS'd and exactly WHY she bounces back and forth in opinions so often. I would think SD making such a statement would be a major red flag that something is obviously wrong either in our home, or that she is being manipulated by her mom. There is a history of BM involving SD in adult conversations and decisions, which SD’s counselor and GAL are aware of.

It seems pretty clear that BM is not interested in mediation. Given her nature, I severely doubt she will ever AGREE to a shared access schedule, it would need to be ORDERED, and even then we are likely to experience resistance. Personally, I think BM is not fit to raise a child, but I know that in the court’s eyes, she will be seen as a “fit” parent, as she does not physically abuse SD, drugs, alcohol, etc. DH is also a “fit” parent. I have heard that the courts are apprehensive to aware shared custody in contentious situations. However, I also know that stripping DH down to EOW status would be a life changing event for SD, so I can’t imagine they would do that either, without substantial evidence that his presence in her life was unhealthy.

Based on your personal experiences, what would you say the judge will rule?]]>
DH has seen SD for 2 dinner visits each week, EOW Friday evening through Sunday evening during the school year; 1 dinner visit and 1 overnight each week and EOW Friday evening through Monday morning during the summer; 50/50 (with overnights) for all holiday vacations from school (when BM doesn’t violate the CO), weeknight overnights on days when SD does not have school the following day (when BM doesn’t violate the CO) and one full week of vacation during the summer (BM also gets one full week of vacation with SD) for the past 5 years since the CO was put in place. BM is requesting to basically strip DH of all of his parental rights and make him an EOW weekend dad with NO overnight visitations and only supervised visits. She is basing this off of her crack pot claims that we are “abusive”. We are not abusive, so she obviously has no evidence. Her biggest claim for our “abuse” is that SD had to stand with her nose to the wall and write a letter explaining her conduct when she was caught in a series of lies and manipulations. BM is ignoring all attempts made my the CO’d Mediator to set up a mediation session and has been denying visitations. So far this year we are at 21 separate days of denied visitation.

DH is asking for a 50/50 schedule which will allow SD minimal “exchanges” between parents in an attempt to alleviate her involvement in the conflicts her mom is stirring up. He already has joint legal custody, although BM does not follow it and we have a school secretary and principal who can testify to the fact that BM has asked the school to not allow DH’s access to SD at school and to by-pass him as an emergency contact in favor of BM, and two of her relatives. DH is very involved in SD’s extra curriculars and is a chairholder on the PTA at her school. SD is 10 and if asked, will most likely testify that she thinks “the schedule is fine as it is”. She has told her counselor she is tired of “so many back and forths”. BM thinks this is fuel for her fire to make DH an EOW dad….DH thinks this is fuel for the fire of a blocked schedule with larger periods of time in each residence. SD is somewhat PAS’d by her mom, and would probably agree that seeing her dad EOW is okay with her. Her counselor seems on the fence about her opinions of SD being PAS'd and exactly WHY she bounces back and forth in opinions so often. I would think SD making such a statement would be a major red flag that something is obviously wrong either in our home, or that she is being manipulated by her mom. There is a history of BM involving SD in adult conversations and decisions, which SD’s counselor and GAL are aware of.

It seems pretty clear that BM is not interested in mediation. Given her nature, I severely doubt she will ever AGREE to a shared access schedule, it would need to be ORDERED, and even then we are likely to experience resistance. Personally, I think BM is not fit to raise a child, but I know that in the court’s eyes, she will be seen as a “fit” parent, as she does not physically abuse SD, drugs, alcohol, etc. DH is also a “fit” parent. I have heard that the courts are apprehensive to aware shared custody in contentious situations. However, I also know that stripping DH down to EOW status would be a life changing event for SD, so I can’t imagine they would do that either, without substantial evidence that his presence in her life was unhealthy.

Based on your personal experiences, what would you say the judge will rule?]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32395 Thu, 17 May 2012 18:58:59 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32395 Trying hard to let it go but I get paranoid and want to just isolate myself and that is against who I am.]]> Trying hard to let it go but I get paranoid and want to just isolate myself and that is against who I am.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32394 Thu, 17 May 2012 15:03:16 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32394
SD does not get in trouble for this, she is not questioned who she was with or asked in great detail why she could not be found. In my mind, a 10 year old should be checking in with her parent if she goes somewhere besides where she was supposed to be. She has 2 friends in our neighborhood, both of whom I am assuming she was not with. So not only was she not where she was supposed to be, but she was with kids that my DH more than likely has never met in his life.

So when DH finally feeds SD at 8, I over hear him tell her that he had to call her friend's mom to find her. She asked "why" and he responded, almost jokingly, that he called bc he couldn't find her!

That was it. No discussion, no reprecussions, nothing. I am appalled. And more the reason why I want little to do with SD. I can't stand the lack of normalcy in raising this child, so I'd rather just stay completely out of it and keep busy with my own ds. I'm scared to death that she is going to turn out to be a self entitled nightmare with no limits and I don't want any parts of it. And talking to dh about it is basically me just asking to pick a fight, so I'm out of it. I guess he will know what to do if she gets kidnapped or is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Not my problem ]]>
SD does not get in trouble for this, she is not questioned who she was with or asked in great detail why she could not be found. In my mind, a 10 year old should be checking in with her parent if she goes somewhere besides where she was supposed to be. She has 2 friends in our neighborhood, both of whom I am assuming she was not with. So not only was she not where she was supposed to be, but she was with kids that my DH more than likely has never met in his life.

So when DH finally feeds SD at 8, I over hear him tell her that he had to call her friend's mom to find her. She asked "why" and he responded, almost jokingly, that he called bc he couldn't find her!

That was it. No discussion, no reprecussions, nothing. I am appalled. And more the reason why I want little to do with SD. I can't stand the lack of normalcy in raising this child, so I'd rather just stay completely out of it and keep busy with my own ds. I'm scared to death that she is going to turn out to be a self entitled nightmare with no limits and I don't want any parts of it. And talking to dh about it is basically me just asking to pick a fight, so I'm out of it. I guess he will know what to do if she gets kidnapped or is hanging out with the wrong crowd. Not my problem ]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32393 Thu, 17 May 2012 14:45:54 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32393
In a nutshell, I have 4 adult stepkids, whom I have treated like gold and I think you would be hardpressed to get them to say different. However, I am heartbroken by the way they have treated me and thier very own loving father in return.

Their dad was very young when he married his first wife but he felt it was the right thing to do to stay in the marriage since they had four children. He lived his life for the sake of those kids. Spoiled them rotten. One of the things that attracted me to him was that he was an amazing daddy.

His kids immediately rebelled at the thought of their dad remarrying. Why? Because they were afraid that the money would be used on me instead of them. They feel that they are going without luxuries that he should have rightfully provided to them if he remained single and it has caused an intense backlash. I spent even a great great deal of my own money on them trying to let them know that we would do all we could. In their 20s, living with significant others and still treated like children living at home financially.... But suddently, I was pregnant, sick and unable to work. Then they really turned on us. They were cordial at times and at times we have gotten along great.

Now we are getting a bit older (mid 40s) and my dear husband has a fairly good but sometimes unstable job. We had to pay the state 90K to pay off the youngest stepdaughters legal troubles. We had no idea that the bill would be that high. The state just sprang it on us after her stint in a rehab type facility. They took our insurace info so we never were told there would be a huge bill over a year later and they never submitted it. We had to borrow money to do that and are trying to pay THAThuge chunk back. Then his three other adult stepkids (two of them are married) who know what a financial situation we are in already have stopped paying their student loans that DH co-signed on and that is costing several hundred dollars per month for each one. Whenever we ask if they can please start paying them, they ignore us. The only time we hear from them is if they want something but they flat our REFUSE to discuss the loans, refuse to answer texts or call and refuse to pay. They don't even tell us why or if they will ever.

I cannot tell you how much pain this causes that they care so little for their dad that they would stress him out like this. And our young children one of whom is autistic and I have to take care of which he is going without important treatment he could be having because of this. SHOULD I say something about the loans or let DH handle it? Because of this his credit is totally destroyed so going into old age we will have no credit and no reitrement (401K gone due to credit card debt from first wifes overspending with DH money) and with my health issues and autistic young child I am really scared. The step kids are young adults so they have time to recover their credit and save for the future. DH put his kids first and the hate they are showing is more than I can comprehend. Who would do that to their parent? What should I do as stepmom? Dh just wants to pretend its not happening. But I know it hurts him how can it not?]]>
In a nutshell, I have 4 adult stepkids, whom I have treated like gold and I think you would be hardpressed to get them to say different. However, I am heartbroken by the way they have treated me and thier very own loving father in return.

Their dad was very young when he married his first wife but he felt it was the right thing to do to stay in the marriage since they had four children. He lived his life for the sake of those kids. Spoiled them rotten. One of the things that attracted me to him was that he was an amazing daddy.

His kids immediately rebelled at the thought of their dad remarrying. Why? Because they were afraid that the money would be used on me instead of them. They feel that they are going without luxuries that he should have rightfully provided to them if he remained single and it has caused an intense backlash. I spent even a great great deal of my own money on them trying to let them know that we would do all we could. In their 20s, living with significant others and still treated like children living at home financially.... But suddently, I was pregnant, sick and unable to work. Then they really turned on us. They were cordial at times and at times we have gotten along great.

Now we are getting a bit older (mid 40s) and my dear husband has a fairly good but sometimes unstable job. We had to pay the state 90K to pay off the youngest stepdaughters legal troubles. We had no idea that the bill would be that high. The state just sprang it on us after her stint in a rehab type facility. They took our insurace info so we never were told there would be a huge bill over a year later and they never submitted it. We had to borrow money to do that and are trying to pay THAThuge chunk back. Then his three other adult stepkids (two of them are married) who know what a financial situation we are in already have stopped paying their student loans that DH co-signed on and that is costing several hundred dollars per month for each one. Whenever we ask if they can please start paying them, they ignore us. The only time we hear from them is if they want something but they flat our REFUSE to discuss the loans, refuse to answer texts or call and refuse to pay. They don't even tell us why or if they will ever.

I cannot tell you how much pain this causes that they care so little for their dad that they would stress him out like this. And our young children one of whom is autistic and I have to take care of which he is going without important treatment he could be having because of this. SHOULD I say something about the loans or let DH handle it? Because of this his credit is totally destroyed so going into old age we will have no credit and no reitrement (401K gone due to credit card debt from first wifes overspending with DH money) and with my health issues and autistic young child I am really scared. The step kids are young adults so they have time to recover their credit and save for the future. DH put his kids first and the hate they are showing is more than I can comprehend. Who would do that to their parent? What should I do as stepmom? Dh just wants to pretend its not happening. But I know it hurts him how can it not?]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32391 Thu, 17 May 2012 13:07:41 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32391
Well, yesterday when I got home from work, DH surprised the "daylights" out of me... (as my grandma would say) LOL

Everything was going well, I thought. Yesterday morning I made REAL oatmeal, instead of instant for a change. I got up early and decided to do something different. It is much better for you than instant oatmeal and it tasted pretty good. Put some butter and milk and brown sugar in it. It was very yummy! Well, YSS really liked it, but OSS barely touched it because it wasn't what he usually eats. I was annoyed of course, but I "practiced silence" and decided to let it go. So glad I did!

Fast forward to yesterday evening. We were all getting ready for church. Actually, we were all ready waiting on DH because he got off work a little late. Right before we were ready to walk out the door, DH calls both boys into our room and tells them to sit on the bed. He tells me to not say a word.

Okay... I am really confused at this point. Not sure what is going on. Actually a little nervous... He begins talking to them and asking them "Why do you think you have the right to go to MIL's house and tell her whatever you want? You went over there this morning and complained about the breakfast that MissMO made for you! MIL thinks it's cute! BUT I DON'T!!! You didn't even tell MissMO thank you! But you have the nerve to go and complain about it? It was a very good breakfast and MissMO didn't have to make it for us! Do you know why she made real oatmeal instead of the instant? Because it is healthier for you! She did it because she cares about us! I am sick and tired of you going and running your mouth to MIL and FIL and BM's parents! If you have issues with something you come to us or your mom NO ONE ELSE!!!"

DH didn't do anything else to them, but just really talked hard at them. How disappointed he was in them for always running and saying things about me and what goes on at our house. Usually twisting the truth. He said, he didn't know what goes on at BM's and he doesn't know if they talk bad about us, but he will NOT allow it in our house. He really laid down the law!

Phew! I just stood there with my mouth hanging open! I felt like throwing my arms around him and crying... but also almost felt sorry for the boys. But even though I was tempted, I never once spoke up. I let him do it all on his own. And even though it made us late for church. I am so glad that I was able to step back and let DH parent them all by himself.

OSS was fuming mad! His face turning red... YSS sat there with eyes big and saying, "I liked the oatmeal!" with a tremble in his voice... LOL I felt like hugging him. I know it was probably OSS this time because he was the one that didn't like it. But YSS has been guilty in the past too... so I just kept my hands behind my back...

I guess DH does listen to me! He knows how much it would have hurt me if I heard that they did that... he addressed it right away! I am so impressed.

Although OSS was showing sighns of anger, and resentment that DH would DARE challenge anything he does, the rest of the night went off without a hitch! OSS soon calmed down. We all just ignored him. And then we went on with our evening.

I think it could have turned out a lot different if I would have become upset because OSS didnt' eat his oatmeal. Or if I would have interjected my own thoughts in when DH was disciplining the boys. The whole time, I just kept reminding myself to "practice silence". Let DH do this. He is their dad. He knows what he is doing... It was difficult I admit, but I was amazed at how much peaceful I felt after it was all said and done.

Just wanted to share with you all... this is a big deal to me after the last 3 weeks of chaos.

Love to you all!!!

MissMO]]>
Well, yesterday when I got home from work, DH surprised the "daylights" out of me... (as my grandma would say) LOL

Everything was going well, I thought. Yesterday morning I made REAL oatmeal, instead of instant for a change. I got up early and decided to do something different. It is much better for you than instant oatmeal and it tasted pretty good. Put some butter and milk and brown sugar in it. It was very yummy! Well, YSS really liked it, but OSS barely touched it because it wasn't what he usually eats. I was annoyed of course, but I "practiced silence" and decided to let it go. So glad I did!

Fast forward to yesterday evening. We were all getting ready for church. Actually, we were all ready waiting on DH because he got off work a little late. Right before we were ready to walk out the door, DH calls both boys into our room and tells them to sit on the bed. He tells me to not say a word.

Okay... I am really confused at this point. Not sure what is going on. Actually a little nervous... He begins talking to them and asking them "Why do you think you have the right to go to MIL's house and tell her whatever you want? You went over there this morning and complained about the breakfast that MissMO made for you! MIL thinks it's cute! BUT I DON'T!!! You didn't even tell MissMO thank you! But you have the nerve to go and complain about it? It was a very good breakfast and MissMO didn't have to make it for us! Do you know why she made real oatmeal instead of the instant? Because it is healthier for you! She did it because she cares about us! I am sick and tired of you going and running your mouth to MIL and FIL and BM's parents! If you have issues with something you come to us or your mom NO ONE ELSE!!!"

DH didn't do anything else to them, but just really talked hard at them. How disappointed he was in them for always running and saying things about me and what goes on at our house. Usually twisting the truth. He said, he didn't know what goes on at BM's and he doesn't know if they talk bad about us, but he will NOT allow it in our house. He really laid down the law!

Phew! I just stood there with my mouth hanging open! I felt like throwing my arms around him and crying... but also almost felt sorry for the boys. But even though I was tempted, I never once spoke up. I let him do it all on his own. And even though it made us late for church. I am so glad that I was able to step back and let DH parent them all by himself.

OSS was fuming mad! His face turning red... YSS sat there with eyes big and saying, "I liked the oatmeal!" with a tremble in his voice... LOL I felt like hugging him. I know it was probably OSS this time because he was the one that didn't like it. But YSS has been guilty in the past too... so I just kept my hands behind my back...

I guess DH does listen to me! He knows how much it would have hurt me if I heard that they did that... he addressed it right away! I am so impressed.

Although OSS was showing sighns of anger, and resentment that DH would DARE challenge anything he does, the rest of the night went off without a hitch! OSS soon calmed down. We all just ignored him. And then we went on with our evening.

I think it could have turned out a lot different if I would have become upset because OSS didnt' eat his oatmeal. Or if I would have interjected my own thoughts in when DH was disciplining the boys. The whole time, I just kept reminding myself to "practice silence". Let DH do this. He is their dad. He knows what he is doing... It was difficult I admit, but I was amazed at how much peaceful I felt after it was all said and done.

Just wanted to share with you all... this is a big deal to me after the last 3 weeks of chaos.

Love to you all!!!

MissMO]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32392 Thu, 17 May 2012 12:57:39 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32392
I don't want him to go, but I know he'll have to - if not this job then another one.

Oh yeah side note - BM got a job! Only problem is she works 30 minutes away from her home and works 12hr shifts. The skids are involved in sports so BF has usually been able to take them to games & pick them up when BM has been working.

Last night after he found out about the job he said he might need me to help out with taking the kids to their games, picking them up from school, etc. I said "Well not to sound like a B, but I wouldn't be helping YOU out, I'd be helping BM out. I don't mind picking them up from time to time but what do I get out of it?" Seriously...BM doesn't recognize me as anyone in her kids' lives...why would I help her out? BF said not to think of it as helping her out but think of it as allowing the skids to attend their games and stuff. I said that lots of parents work - they find ways around it. Kids get drives with friends, for example.

I just remember back to when he was gone last year...I NEVER saw the skids, BM never asked me to help her out - BM doesn't see me as someone who should be involved in her kids' lives. She doesn't come out and say this, but she makes up plans on the fly and takes the kids when she knows that we have plans with my family, or any kind of plans that I arranged (Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday). But she will find ways to include me when it helps her out (but only when BF is around and just not able to help out or something - "why can't Salty do it?")

So then I started to cry - BF will be leaving, I'll go back to being a nobody to that whole side of BF's life (because without him here I'm no one), and then for the week that he IS home I'm sure I'll still feel like a nobody, cus he'll want to spend as much time with his kids as he can and I'll be pushed to the side. I'll be ok when he's gone - I do a lot already to keep me busy.

Should I ask him to set aside a few days just for me during his week home? And I don't know what to do about the whole taxi driver thing...BM may never respect me and see me as someone important in the skids' lives, but how can I still stay involved without being taken advantage of? Should I ask that the skids still come over Friday nights like they do now?]]>
I don't want him to go, but I know he'll have to - if not this job then another one.

Oh yeah side note - BM got a job! Only problem is she works 30 minutes away from her home and works 12hr shifts. The skids are involved in sports so BF has usually been able to take them to games & pick them up when BM has been working.

Last night after he found out about the job he said he might need me to help out with taking the kids to their games, picking them up from school, etc. I said "Well not to sound like a B, but I wouldn't be helping YOU out, I'd be helping BM out. I don't mind picking them up from time to time but what do I get out of it?" Seriously...BM doesn't recognize me as anyone in her kids' lives...why would I help her out? BF said not to think of it as helping her out but think of it as allowing the skids to attend their games and stuff. I said that lots of parents work - they find ways around it. Kids get drives with friends, for example.

I just remember back to when he was gone last year...I NEVER saw the skids, BM never asked me to help her out - BM doesn't see me as someone who should be involved in her kids' lives. She doesn't come out and say this, but she makes up plans on the fly and takes the kids when she knows that we have plans with my family, or any kind of plans that I arranged (Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday). But she will find ways to include me when it helps her out (but only when BF is around and just not able to help out or something - "why can't Salty do it?")

So then I started to cry - BF will be leaving, I'll go back to being a nobody to that whole side of BF's life (because without him here I'm no one), and then for the week that he IS home I'm sure I'll still feel like a nobody, cus he'll want to spend as much time with his kids as he can and I'll be pushed to the side. I'll be ok when he's gone - I do a lot already to keep me busy.

Should I ask him to set aside a few days just for me during his week home? And I don't know what to do about the whole taxi driver thing...BM may never respect me and see me as someone important in the skids' lives, but how can I still stay involved without being taken advantage of? Should I ask that the skids still come over Friday nights like they do now?]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32390 Thu, 17 May 2012 11:15:03 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32390
Any of you ladies been through this? I don't want to marry into this baggage filled life if FDH is going to play on that! I do EVERYTHING for sd...FDH does NOTHING and this is what i get. ahhhhh!!]]>
Any of you ladies been through this? I don't want to marry into this baggage filled life if FDH is going to play on that! I do EVERYTHING for sd...FDH does NOTHING and this is what i get. ahhhhh!!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32389 Wed, 16 May 2012 21:59:41 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32389 However, being teens and having some mental deficits, they constantly want to go back to eating as they did at bm's - sugar cereal 3 or 4 times a day, hot dogs and whatever processed snack foods they find in little packages. They suppliment that with pop, slushies and energy drinks.
We don't eat that way in our house. I've allowed cereal 2x day (but I rarely buy the high sugar/artificial colour crap) and we do eat hotdogs and pizza and burger & fries, just not every day or even every week. But they're useless at finding a snack or a lunch that isn't in a cereal box or a little plastic package and I can't afford to let them just graze on that garbage all day and it drives me crazy knowing it'll make them sick again if I do. I know they haven't actually learned anything about nutrition, they are only healthier because I am stressed out shopping and planning and policing the pantry!
Here's the kicker, I don't really care about them anymore. It's been too hard and I can't fight this battle and without meaning too, I've completely disengaged from them in any positive emotional sense. I'm just the bad cop here, trying to feed them responsibly and keep my grocery budget under control. (I did the math - they each consume upwards of $50 in cereal & milk alone each month! Little plastic packed lunch foods - don't even want to add that up!)
Practacle advice and ideas how to keep this in balance without driving myself right over the edge would be apreciated. I can't expect any common sense from them, that is something lacking in their brains make up. But I need to reduce costs AND stress. (and no, dh will not take over. He will get tired of it very quickly and just let them do whatever they want -can't afford it financially - or he'll fight with them every night - can't afford it emotionally!) Again, any ideas would be helpful. My brain has gone into fog-mode!]]> However, being teens and having some mental deficits, they constantly want to go back to eating as they did at bm's - sugar cereal 3 or 4 times a day, hot dogs and whatever processed snack foods they find in little packages. They suppliment that with pop, slushies and energy drinks.
We don't eat that way in our house. I've allowed cereal 2x day (but I rarely buy the high sugar/artificial colour crap) and we do eat hotdogs and pizza and burger & fries, just not every day or even every week. But they're useless at finding a snack or a lunch that isn't in a cereal box or a little plastic package and I can't afford to let them just graze on that garbage all day and it drives me crazy knowing it'll make them sick again if I do. I know they haven't actually learned anything about nutrition, they are only healthier because I am stressed out shopping and planning and policing the pantry!
Here's the kicker, I don't really care about them anymore. It's been too hard and I can't fight this battle and without meaning too, I've completely disengaged from them in any positive emotional sense. I'm just the bad cop here, trying to feed them responsibly and keep my grocery budget under control. (I did the math - they each consume upwards of $50 in cereal & milk alone each month! Little plastic packed lunch foods - don't even want to add that up!)
Practacle advice and ideas how to keep this in balance without driving myself right over the edge would be apreciated. I can't expect any common sense from them, that is something lacking in their brains make up. But I need to reduce costs AND stress. (and no, dh will not take over. He will get tired of it very quickly and just let them do whatever they want -can't afford it financially - or he'll fight with them every night - can't afford it emotionally!) Again, any ideas would be helpful. My brain has gone into fog-mode!]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32387 Wed, 16 May 2012 17:12:27 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32387
Dear Mr.DH,
It is our very sad duty to informeth you that SD no longer wishes to spend the summer with you.
After eight years, she has had quite enough of this, and would like to further continue summers in
BM'sstate. There have been many things SD has wished to pursue in the past 3 summers,
alas she must fly to Ourstate every time. These things include sleeping over with her friends, not
missing out on all the things that happen during summer, going to Snobcamp, (which we believe you
deemed 'too expensive'), going to birthday parties, going to a very fun collage sports camp, read-
ing books she enjoys, and going on vacation to places out of the country, which we are assuming
is 'too expensive' as well. She has always wanted to travel, in case you didn't know,
and would really like a new pair of sunglasses and a mannequin. Too expensive? Not that you'd
care, as she is more frequently saying nowadays. On behalf of SD, we are, yours truly, in
rain, snow, hail, ice, fog, mist, sun, and other extreme conditions,
The SD FYI Society
P.S- Please respond with greatest dignity, your ballads must be signed with utter faith and truth,as we have done with this.
We mean you no emotional harm. We'd like to hear from you, so contact us at SD@gmail.com.
If you have any complaints, you can send them there, too. Or just respond to this letter.

Any issues? Problems? Harmful situations? Use our new ANGERTACT! Available in stores August 23,2012, or online, at http://www.angertactSD.net


I did consider having him send the following, but I think it might come across as passive aggressive.

Dear SD FYI society,

SD's father is so glad that she shared her feeling with him. He loves SD very much and can certainly understand that it is dissapointing to miss out on spending summer in BM'sstate with her friends. He would be happy to discuss these ideas further with her when he sees her this summer. He would also be open to a discussion via skype, but sadly, he fears that SD may choose to continue to hang up on him.

Cordially,

The DH loves his kids society.]]>
Dear Mr.DH,
It is our very sad duty to informeth you that SD no longer wishes to spend the summer with you.
After eight years, she has had quite enough of this, and would like to further continue summers in
BM'sstate. There have been many things SD has wished to pursue in the past 3 summers,
alas she must fly to Ourstate every time. These things include sleeping over with her friends, not
missing out on all the things that happen during summer, going to Snobcamp, (which we believe you
deemed 'too expensive'), going to birthday parties, going to a very fun collage sports camp, read-
ing books she enjoys, and going on vacation to places out of the country, which we are assuming
is 'too expensive' as well. She has always wanted to travel, in case you didn't know,
and would really like a new pair of sunglasses and a mannequin. Too expensive? Not that you'd
care, as she is more frequently saying nowadays. On behalf of SD, we are, yours truly, in
rain, snow, hail, ice, fog, mist, sun, and other extreme conditions,
The SD FYI Society
P.S- Please respond with greatest dignity, your ballads must be signed with utter faith and truth,as we have done with this.
We mean you no emotional harm. We'd like to hear from you, so contact us at SD@gmail.com.
If you have any complaints, you can send them there, too. Or just respond to this letter.

Any issues? Problems? Harmful situations? Use our new ANGERTACT! Available in stores August 23,2012, or online, at http://www.angertactSD.net


I did consider having him send the following, but I think it might come across as passive aggressive.

Dear SD FYI society,

SD's father is so glad that she shared her feeling with him. He loves SD very much and can certainly understand that it is dissapointing to miss out on spending summer in BM'sstate with her friends. He would be happy to discuss these ideas further with her when he sees her this summer. He would also be open to a discussion via skype, but sadly, he fears that SD may choose to continue to hang up on him.

Cordially,

The DH loves his kids society.]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32386 Wed, 16 May 2012 16:39:29 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32386
I am putting it in writing. As of this past Sunday (which was wrought with so much craziness) I am choosing to be happy and lighthearted in as many situations with SSteens that I can.

I have started approaching them in a lighthearted manner and am convinced that my state of mind is my own doing and I can choose to be happy.

I may be nuts, naive or too new at this but I'm gonna try!

So yesterday when SS14 lied... I just said "try again". No internal struggle inside of my stomach - no taking it personal, just an internal joke wondering how long it'll take to get the true story! I had to say "try again..." a few times but the story slowly changed as we went. I then picked up my grandmother's broken chair, brought it to my bedroom where it will remain safe when we fix it. End of story for me. Hey, silly me for leaving the chair in an unused portion of my livingroom where I never thought that it would be used as a jungle gym.

We need the kids' help with some chores this evening while I'm in class so I wrote a note to "The Cleansweep Team". I gave everyone sports related nicknames including BS17, DH and myself because in my head "We are a team" and I want it to be that way for them too. We are all in this merging/blending family situation together. I made a roster with positions, assignments and skills needed for each task. We'll see - I'm trying!!! And DH will be home as the coach! hahaha.

May you find many reasons to smile today my dear stepmoms!
Peace,
Rose]]>
I am putting it in writing. As of this past Sunday (which was wrought with so much craziness) I am choosing to be happy and lighthearted in as many situations with SSteens that I can.

I have started approaching them in a lighthearted manner and am convinced that my state of mind is my own doing and I can choose to be happy.

I may be nuts, naive or too new at this but I'm gonna try!

So yesterday when SS14 lied... I just said "try again". No internal struggle inside of my stomach - no taking it personal, just an internal joke wondering how long it'll take to get the true story! I had to say "try again..." a few times but the story slowly changed as we went. I then picked up my grandmother's broken chair, brought it to my bedroom where it will remain safe when we fix it. End of story for me. Hey, silly me for leaving the chair in an unused portion of my livingroom where I never thought that it would be used as a jungle gym.

We need the kids' help with some chores this evening while I'm in class so I wrote a note to "The Cleansweep Team". I gave everyone sports related nicknames including BS17, DH and myself because in my head "We are a team" and I want it to be that way for them too. We are all in this merging/blending family situation together. I made a roster with positions, assignments and skills needed for each task. We'll see - I'm trying!!! And DH will be home as the coach! hahaha.

May you find many reasons to smile today my dear stepmoms!
Peace,
Rose]]> http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32385 Wed, 16 May 2012 16:19:28 +0000 http://www.smoms.org/smomsbb/showthread.php?tid=32385
I just can't go into a ton of detail right now but...

No one listens to what I'm ACTUALLY saying...
No matter how I articulate my needs they are not heard...
I have lost myself, like really lost myself and what is important and valuable to me to make EVERYONE else happy and keep the peace...
I give and give and give and no one in my family respects my efforts, caregiving and contributions....
When I back off I am the bad guy...
When I do everything I am the bad guy... but there is no option for middle ground...

I'm drowning... and there is no way out... but out, it seems, and thats heartbreaking... I am emotionally drained... I am so fatigued... and I am sick of being treated like an enemy everyday by my husband and inlaws.

I just need some nice thoughts and prayers... I am so broken...]]>
I just can't go into a ton of detail right now but...

No one listens to what I'm ACTUALLY saying...
No matter how I articulate my needs they are not heard...
I have lost myself, like really lost myself and what is important and valuable to me to make EVERYONE else happy and keep the peace...
I give and give and give and no one in my family respects my efforts, caregiving and contributions....
When I back off I am the bad guy...
When I do everything I am the bad guy... but there is no option for middle ground...

I'm drowning... and there is no way out... but out, it seems, and thats heartbreaking... I am emotionally drained... I am so fatigued... and I am sick of being treated like an enemy everyday by my husband and inlaws.

I just need some nice thoughts and prayers... I am so broken...]]>