This is driving me crazy

[stayingpositive]

Hi ladies, i have to find out if i am crazy or if BM is?? I need a little clarification on something. SD (20) has held three jobs since she has been 16 working about a total of 8 months over those years. BM insisted that she only be able to work no more than 2 days a week when she was 17/18. Now here is the question why is it Ok for SD's brother 17 (again he is not my SS but his father died when he was 1 1/2 yr old and my husband has always done everything with and i have been involved since he was 5yrs old) to work 5-6 days a week? Is it because BM can get money out of DH and she can't with SS? What is up with the freeking double standard or am i being trivial?

DH continued to send money to SD after she turned 18 and continued until about a month ago. BM rented SD and boyfriend an apartment a year ago and has paid for everything, her rent, utilities, cell phone, cable, car insurance and has never made SD pay for anything. What is this teaching her? We did not help pay for rent as we did not agree with the arangements but DH, over the last year has not sent much cash but did send Walmart gift cards. We did not send cash as because of issues over the last year we didn't want to send money as we feared it would be used for alcohol or etc. Now criminal issues arose again and SD has moved back home with BM so DH isn't really sending anything now. But while SD was living expense free she would complain about the Gift cards cause she said that it would be nice if he sent cash so she could have gas money...... get a freaking job!!!

So now BM says that SD doesn't have to work when school starts again. Really why. She is going to a community college its not like it would be hard to get a small job. This is driving me crazy!! Any advice ladies

[Charlie]

Sadly, it doesn't sound like your SD is being taught how to be responsible and self-sufficient (which she certainly should be at age 20). Honestly, she sounds pretty spoiled. I wish I knew what to tell you - but unless your DH is willing to stop contributing to the spoiling, she will probably just get worse. Does your DH agree with you about SD working during college?

As for SS, is it possible that he WANTS to work 5-6 days per week? Does he just have a really good work ethic?

[stayingpositive]

Thanks Charlie, yes DH does agree and always has but when SD lives like 2 hrs away and lives with BM it is hard to have a say. BM is crazy!! I feel it is a loosing battle but we keep trying. Also over the last year he has scaled back the money (gift cards) he was giving her, it was only like 50 dollars a month or so. We hoped that would make he get a job, it did but only 6months into living in her apartment but the funny thing is she was buying concert tickets and going to concert weekends HHHMMMM . Thanks for the relply