i feel my inlaws care more about BM

[michellekm]

BM is not around at all...SD6 hasn't seen her or talked to her in well over 2 years if not 3. BM is a drug addict, has mental health issues and is often incarcerated for DUI or not paying child support, etc.
Within the past 6 mos., BM has made the "impression" she got her life back together (I take that w a grain of salt), she gives everyone the impression that she goes to her 12 step meetings, she is ALLEGEDLY sober, she is all "born again" into church, etc. So now she has infiltrated the in laws...she goes far and above to be "friends" with them, calling all my sisters in law all the time, being "friends" w them on social networking sites (myspace, facebook, etc), etc etc etc.
It seems like its a competition to her...like who is gonna be closer to her vs. me...?
She really goes overboard. But whatever, that's her deal, not mine...that isn't what bothers me (it just makes her look even more pathetic than she already is)
What truely bothers me is that my Sisters in law (yes, more than 1...there's 3 of them I'm having this same "issue" with) actually TELL me that they don't want to hurt BMs feelings so they can't be "friends" w me on social networking sites, they can't talk to me @ certain times or about certain things b/c it would hurt their on/off again friend, BM...
Example, if BM sees that they're talking to me via internet I guess she gets jealous...or her feelings get hurt b/c I post pics of SD, etc. It appears that she still hasn't resolved her mass quantities of guilt...but once again, not my problem!
However...why is it that its NOT ok to hurt BM's feelings by allowing her to "see" that we're friends AND FAMILY, but it IS ok to hurt my feelings by just discarding me...because its easier to do it to me because BM is a freak and I am understanding, mature and patient???!!!
I have tried NUMEROUS times to express to them my feelings and I have reminded them of all the heinous things BM did not only to SD, but also to my DH...AND to each one of them! .... but they're a "family of forgiveness"...what the f*ck ever!
I don't know why they cater to her, when she'll be off the wagon again in no time, but we'll all be family for life!?!
This really isn't an issue about jealousy, on my part anyway...I know it is on BM's though...one of my SIL told me BM told her a long time ago that she "only got pregnant to be forever connected to (DH)"!!! So, its obvious that she is attempting to keep that connection to DH because she literally is sick in the head...
But I just don't understand why my in laws allow her to use them as pawns in her super immature game?
She should be working on her relationship w her daughter! Not her ex-boyfriend's sisters!

[nonmom]

your BM is a piece of work.

not my same situation, but i know that my ILs still consider BM to be their DIL and i'm just DH's wife...and i'm okay with that.

why? because they live to kiss her butt and get walked on out of fear of her "taking SD away" which makes no kinda sense in reality. they can't tell her no, they're afraid of making her mad (which doesn't take more than BM not getting her way). so i guess to get the stamp of apporval in this family you have to be an emotionally manipulative nut job.

i consider their not embracing me into their family a compliment...

[luckystep]

Be glad that they don't want your on their networks, and actually DECIDE that's what you want too. More than that, as long as they chose to be friends with BM (which is their choice) I would consider them low info family. In other words, BM has done harm to your family, you want to keep her at arms length (understandably). Friends of BM, family or not, should not be privy to your special moments with SD, financial info of any kind, vacation planning (call them once you've already left), etc. If they question it, tell them you love them, they're family (which is why you know they'll understand) you can't risk any info leaks that will upset BM, risk her sobriety or set her on a war path while giving her more ammo to use against your family.