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That's how I feel right now. Like I am a bat crazy b*tch.

DH told me at 5:45 this morning that he is finding daycare for the boys since I resent them so much.

Yes, I resent them. Not constantly, but I do. I feel like they get away with MURDER and that DH is very defensive towards me with regards to them, but I don't feel that he is defensive towards them with regards to me.

I have never denied that I am resentful towards them on occasion. I am also trying to work through these feelings because I HATE feeling this way. I am going to counseling, I read book after book and I tell DH small ways I think he could help, but nothing ever seems to change.

Saturday was a really REALLY bad day (Life knows...she listened to me bawl on the phone for 9876987 hours). I get so tired of telling them the same things, over and over.

YSS, who is the king of leaving his shoes in the living room, actually had the nerve to HIDE his shoes under the TV stand on Sunday. Not only was he thinking "I know I am not supposed to leave my shoes up here" and did it anyway, but he went out of his way to find a HIDING spot for them.

It's to the point where I think I am crazy for caring.

I have decided I am done. I am done fighting it. I guess I won't care how the house looks if people stop over. If there are 543 pairs of shoes in the living room, so be it. None of them will be MY shoes, so what do I care? If kids run in the house and trip, what do I care? I've told them why they shouldn't run in the house, but if they want to get hurt, so be it. I won't be running in the house, so I won't get hurt.

I. AM. DONE.

If the boys are fighting, unless they are hurting one another, I'll let them fight. If they get too loud I'll go into my bedroom, close the door and turn the radio on. Or I'll go downstairs. If they come to blows, I'll make them stop, otherwise, who cares? I won't be involved. I'll remove myself completely from the situation.

I am done worrying about things so much.

Done.

sending you great big hugs!!! been here... it's so hard!

on the upside... you can take some time for YOU & maybe pick up a hobby you've wanted to.

OMG you are stating my exact feelings right now. hugs and hope things get better!

Sorry your DH doesn't understand your very normal stepmom feelings and judges you badly. It's not fair to be judged, I know. DH used to let SS3 practically get away with murder. SS would be a turd behind DH's back but a perfect angel when he was around. When I'd tell DH something he said or did, he acted like I was making it up! Finally SS began to get brave and disrespect me around DH. The one time DH overheard SS giving me an attitude, he stepped in. He apologized for not believing me or supporting me. Now SS acts like a holy terror regardless whether DH is around or not.

When SS starts in acting like a hoodlum, I step away. I let DH handle it. If we are at inlaws, I let FIL handle it. SS doesn't listen or mind me anyways and I have no way of asserting my authority because he does not respect me thanks to BM and I am greatful that now DH steps in.

I would remove myself from the situation like you say. Maybe they'll start acting up when DH is trying to watch a game and interrupt him with their running and loudness and he'll get a taste of his own medicine.

And I didn't mind at all! I'm still totally impressed that FSS12 picked up the phone when you called!

Daycare for the boys may not be a bad thing, Kellie. Being happier with smaller doses of someone doesn't mean you don't care for them. I am not sure I could take my skids full-time and keep my sanity.

The other thing is that daycare for them doesn't have to be "forever"; you are working on you and your feelings toward the skids, this could be the perfect time to have them in daycare.

Many hugs!

Kellie,

Please be gentle with yourself. You and your family are still processing BM's death. It took about 4 months for it to hit me when I had a very close family member pass away... And then I was a wreck! Please take care of yourself with lots of self-care

Big hugs!

First of all, you are NOT a bat-crazy b*tch! You are just tired, stressed, and sick of dealing with skids that refuse to listen (and a DH that doesn't MAKE them listen). I feel the same way as you a lot of the time, and I don't think I'M a bat-crazy b*tch.

BTW, I think daycare sounds GREAT. If you do not have to constantly deal with the skids, your batteries will be recharged and maybe your feelings of resentment will dissipate a little. That said, I think your DH's comment was out of line. Another way to phrase it would have been, "I know this transition has been stressful for all of us, so I was thinking it would be nice to have a break from SSs for a few hours every day. What do you think about daycare for awhile, just until we all become a little more acclimated to being together 24/7?"

I'm sorry he was insensitive, but I vote YES, GO FOR IT. It doesn't mean they aren't loved, it just means that everyone needs some personal space sometimes.

*hugs*

Kellie,

I just think you had one of those major break through moments.

Now is the perfect time for you to start making the most of you instead of sacrificing you.

Good for you, hon! And Ladies - let's cheer Kellie on as she spreads her wings and soars to new heights!!

Honey I have had my skids for 2 months straight!! First time ever... I love those kids but I'm telling you I am doing the happy dance tomorrow when they both leave. They stress me to the max!! I think I started having anxiety attacks too. I'm dizzy, light-headed, shaky, ticked often, my head is screaming & I have this chest pain that feels like a major ball of energy I can't get rid of for days!

One thing I have learned out of this summer, I am SO glad I don't have kids of my own. I need some me time & space. Having kids, you just don't get that.

Woo hoo Kellie! You go and be happy!