We call ourselves "SMOMS", (Rhymes with MOM's & all one-syllable.)
Our group was formed to provide a safe, supportive? place for women who are living with someone who has children from a previous relationship and who are looking for creative, insightful, healthy ways to deal with any stressful situations in your life. Our approach is based on promoting excellent self-care, creative problem solving skills and finding ways to process our ever changing and often intense emotions in responsible and healthy ways. If this feels like a good match for you, terrific. Please read our Bulletin Board Guidelines and if it feels right for you, please register to sign up for our many free Bulletin Board Forums and you'll hear from me shortly. Welcome, Cathryn Bond Doyle, Founder of SMOMS
10 things to do if you want to be a part of SMOMS.org
1.Safety and Dignity: Always give (and ideally get) the feeling of being treated with dignity and experiencing emotional safety whenever you’re on this site.
2.Give and get Compassion: Recognize that feeling understood and acknowledged for whatever we’re feeling is the first step in healing and dealing with emotionally stressful situations. Offer compassion and support to sister SMOMS and expect to be given the same treatment in return.
3.No profanity: Refuse to use profanity to express yourself. We all know what you mean when you say, “Freakin” or “screwed” or “Crap” or “ca ca’, “witch” or “Turd”, etc. Be creative. Please make your point without using profanity. Two exceptions, hell and damn are OK. A “when in doubt” guideline...If it’s OK in elementary school, it’s OK here.
4.Vent about your life: Express ANY feelings you’re having or have had, fear you’ll have or imagine you’ll have about your own life situation. Whatever you’re feeling, no matter how awful, horrible, stupid, enraging, unfair, cruel and/or crazy-making it has been, KNOW YOU”RE FREE to share your feelings on the BB...with one exception- see #2. (I use caps for emphasis of this point.)
5. Disagreeing on post content is AOK: Feel free to offer a differing opinion about whatever topic a SMOM writes in her post. Whenever you disagree, please stay focused on the subject matter. Your perspective and experience can be very helpful. It’s easier to be objective when we’re not the one going through the crisis. The more differing perspectives and choices we have to consider, the more powerful we feel when we finally make a choice.
6. Different, not better than: Always use a respectful “tone of voice” and NEVER be critical in any way that dishonors a SMOM as a person. Disagreeing with her opinions is OK, disrespecting her is not. We can disagree on issues AND be direct, even blunt and candid with our opinions AND still be respectful. If air traffic controllers can be polite under their pressure packed situations-we can all treat each other with the same courtesy and respect they employ. Anyone who refuses to respect sister SMOMS on this site will be banned. (See long version for more details on this process.)
7. No “pep rallies” for hatred: You can not use the BB to encourage and/or perpetuate hatred for another person. Expressing your hatred for someone because of what they’ve done to YOU is OK. It’s part of your story. See #3. But to commiserate and encourage each other to feel more hatred and/or be cruel or hateful to another person is NOT OK. To use a graphic example, we will not be “Klu Klux Klan-like in drumming up hatred for anyone...this kind of posting will get you banned from the site.
8.General BB mostly for crisis situations, emotional processing and creative problem solving: If you’re feeling stressed out by any of the pain expressed in a post, please practice loving self-care and give yourself permission to Not reply to their post. We have 10 different forums on this BB, even an “Off-Topic” board for sharing everyday, fun, happy topics with SMOM friends. Choose the forum that best meets your needs each time you visit.
9.Tell us what you need: When you post, tell us what kind of support you need. Since we’re all in differing and ever-changing emotional places, tell us how we can best help you whenever you post. Want to vent? Feeling fragile? Need a gentle shoulder? A sounding board? Some tough Love? A Fire lit under you? Some lovingkindness? Want ideas? Need insights? Looking for ways to handle a tough situation? Need clarity? A pep talk? These are only a few options. Ask and you’ll probably receive.
10.SMOMS Honor Code: Please take responsibility for the intention and energy you bring to this site. Come to SMOMS to get help with your stressful, complex and challenging situations and/or to help other stepmoms with theirs. Come here to learn more about yourself, your emotions, your behaviors, your choices and your relationships. Stay here because being here nourishes you in some way and helps you feel better about yourself and more empowered in your life. Stay here because it gives you the chance to “give back” and share the wisdom you’ve gained on your journey. With all that’s going on in the world, take an active role in keeping SMOMS.org a safe and wonderful place.
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SMOMS Serenity Prayer
(If you want a magnet with this saying, click on SMOMS Offer)
“May I have the patience and humility to believe things can get better,
The willingness and courage to avoid blaming and to look at my contribution to each situation,
And the energy and flexibility to keep trying new ways to create more love and less stress in our lives.”