Cathryn's Mailbox
Stepmoms wrote in, Cathryn replied​.
Cathryn's Mailbox
2 Youngsters I can't control.

3 yr old SS crying all the time!

A bio-mom worried about new stepmom in her daughter's life- can we help?

About ready to throw in the towel!

About to become a step parent and am terrified!

Bio mom badmouthing me to my stepson & he repeats to me & my kids.

Bio-mom back & I'm hurt by her impact-what can I do?

Bio-mom doesn't want me present at any of my skids school events.

Bio-mom is online stalking & has issues w/ pictures of skids.

Bio-mom physically assaulted me & telling skids it was the other way around?

Bio-mom used me, I drew a line, she’s angry--now what?

BM doesn't want her kids, then does-what's going on?

Clarifying Mission Statement for SMOMS-revised

Dealing w/ bio-mom who doesn't want to get along with me?

Dealing w/ Deceased Bio Mom's Extended Family

Dealing with SD at my young age

DH finds out he has a daughter-I feel terrible

DH sets no Boundaries for SD20-what to do?

DH w/3 bio-kids not trying to bond w/ my 2 bio kids.

Do I love my ss? I don't know.

Does the BB help or hurt with issues?

Don't know where I went wrong

Ever Feel Like Leaving?

FDH feels guilty about leaving BM & allows her to excessively call/text/email him.

Feeling like invisible parent to stepson- help!

Feeling like the enemy in my own house: Teen SD

Feeling resentment towards my SS & can't connect

From BB- A Ritual for you & your beloved

From BB: Self-awareness can hurt...why is that?

Help w/situation that dad, biomom & skid all agree on but I don’t feel is best

Holiday traditions? Some ideas from sister SMOMS

How can I find the right balance & Boundaries?

How can I handle my SD8 who loves negative attention?

How do I cope w/DH's need for perfect family when I'm more realistic about it?

How do I deal with a lying SD, her bio-mom & the ex-step mom?

How do I deal with all the hurt and anger?

How do I help her understand that chores and rules don't mean that I don’t love her?

How do I stop SD from lying to me, DH, BM, and BM's boyfriend?

How to accept bio-mom's "bad" choices?

How to deal w/ unkind skids, ex-wife, MIL costing me my relationship?

how to deal w/SD choosing bio-mom for school play?

How to handle bio-mom who keeps asking for more $$$?

How to handle it when skids away Christmas Day?

How to help ss, when BM encourages him to lie?

How to help when bio-mom returns

How to let go of the single life I thought I saw going to live versus being SMOM?

How to make transition easier for skids?

how to step back in after stepping out?

Husband still feels guilty, his kids in their 30’s

I am frustrated with my skids 99% of the time...help!

I feel jealous of DH's ex & unheard by DH-Help!

I feel left out & sort of invisible w/ grown SD’s

I really love my FDH, but really wish his daughter didn't exist?

I want a better relationship w/ teen stepson

I want a Closer relationship w/ stepdaughter

I want my bed back

I would like to know how to change my attitude towards my new inherited family

I'm at the end of my tether... Stepchildren don't seem to like me.

If you're in the mood for SMOMS Pep Talk-read this!

Invested so much love, time, energy & $$...seems it's never enough

It's too much work- I need help from DH & Family!

Jealous of sister-in-law & Skids-what can I do?

Just jealous or maybe time to leave?

Local support stepmom groups???

My DH doesn't understand why my feelings are hurt

My husband stays at his mothers when he has his daughter for the night.

Need better coping skills but..how to do so…

Not a step mom yet but need some guidance

Open for your Questions in March 2015

Right now, I HATE being a Stepmom!!!

Self-Pity-it's an emotional numbing,energy draining tactic

Someone to talk to when things come up or whenever?

SS5 keeps throwing his BM in my face! Help!

Struggling w/ a jealous stepdaughter

Stubborn DH and sexually active teenage SS

teenage step daughter & car...Ugh!

the problem is my partner...why is he fighting my efforts?

Transitions and Coparenting Struggles

Trouble coping w/BF's newborn & ex.

Venting Guidelines- A Requested approach

What are reasonable expectations?

What are these letters?

What boundaries do I need to set with husband and sd?

What can we do about the rage! I "Lost it" last night. Help!

What to do about disrespectful 20 yr/old SS

What to do when Bio mom starts turning step daughter against me?

what to do when step child stops saying I love you?

When bio-mom sends stuff from life w/your DH?

When BM causes drama, how to prevent that impacting my relationship w/ the skids?

When to call it quits? What to do?

When winning more important to bio-mom than getting along

Why do things Skid's say bother me so & what to do?-Updated!

Why does it bother me that my skids don't recognize how much their father does for th

Why does my ss's rudeness bother me so?

Why does my stepson Idolize his bio-mom????

Why don't I matter in the family?

Why so jealous? What about irrational fears?

From BB- A Ritual for you & your beloved
THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON BB IN AUGUST 2011

Hi Ladies,
Here's something you can do that can make connecting with your beloved easier when there's stress and just to add more fun when either of you is looking to be sweet. It came up in a PM conversation so I thought I'd share it in case anyone was...in the mood. 

Get 2 index cards.
Write across the top of one, Here are 10 things "your name" can do to make "Husband's name" feel loved.

On top of the other one write, Here are 10 things "Hubby's name" can do to make "your name" feel loved.

Down the left side, write the numbers, 1-10

On the card with the 10 things your hubby can do to make you feel loved, write in 10 daily, simple, fun, sexy, romantic silly things that your hubby can do that will, as the title says, make you feel loved. Think about it so that you can be sure, if your hubby does any of these things, it will bring a smile to you, warm your heart or just make you feel closer to him.

Examples:
Come up behind me and kiss my neck
call me Mrs. (your hubby's surname,"
make the bed while I'm in the shower
fix me coffee or draw me a bath
take out the trash
dip me and kiss me passionately
reminisce about our honeymoon
take me on a date
send me a real card
text me during the day..for no reason

You get the point and there are literally thousands of things you can write. The key is to write what means something to YOU!

When the time is right (be sure and use your intuition here) present the idea to your sweetheart with your card filled in and the blank one for him. (By showing him your list, he will see the kinds of things you wrote and NOT be afraid of doing it wrong.) After he fills it out and you've looked at it, make the agreement to do something from the list whenever either of you thinks the other needs it, feels stressed or you feel disconnected from each other. It's a lovely way to bring yourselves closer.

This can be a powerful tool if you both agree to receive the gesture as loving, even if there's some tension between you. Why? Because sometimes guys just don't know what to do. If they KNOW they can be sure that doing anything on the list will be received as loving, it gives them a plan, when they don't know what else to do? Make sense?

Had lots and lots of success with this over the years. My husband and I often give each other new cards on our anniversary or Valentine's Day, whenever we think of it. What's on your list?


KARMA WROTE:
This is brilliant. I love it!

EVILSTEPMOTHER WROTE:
I already get one thing that would be on my list...

Mostly every morning, I wake up to coffee already made. DH sets it up to brew right before I get up, regardless of whether he plans on leaving before it finishes or not. What a guy. 

Nice idea, I think I'll have to try it…

BALANCE WROTE:
I love this idea!!!

BUNNY WROTE:
This idea is so cool! I think Bunny Man will take to it much more favorably than the cue cards--for whatever reason he didn't like that one, lol! But this sounds so sweet--I think it will be great! thanks! bunny

MANDILU84 WROTE:
This is great!! I'm definitely going to try it!!
Cathryn's Mailbox
Stepmoms on a Mission®
PO Box 7, Medford NJ 08055
609.206.2009
Cathryn@smoms.org