| Title |
Summary |
| Guest Smommentary--When you marry a man with kids? |
This essay is a compilation of a thread started in April, 2007. It is a collection of advice from women who have ?been there and felt that? written in hopes of helping women in the role of stepmom make the best of their situation. |
| ODE TO SMOMS By Debs from Australia |
Ladies, Debs wrote this in a moment of inspiration around Mother?s Day 2007. It was so SMOM-like and wonderful and right-on that she gave me her permission to make it a permanent part of the site. Thanks Debs! Enjoy Sister SMOMS. |
| When Skids get what SMOMs didn't (or don't) have, intense emotions can surge through us. Why is that? |
Have you ever noticed that sometimes our skids can do something and POW...a rage wells up in us that seems disproportionate to the single act or incident? Yep, me too! When this happens, it's a good time to hit the 'Pause' button and take some time to reflect on what we're feeling. Time spent in understanding what triggers us is very healing and insightful. I've outlined a couple areas that impacted me, see if anything makes sense for you.
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| Caring for vs. catering to our skids. |
In our enthusiasm for welcoming skids onto our happy new life, we can end up making choices that come back to bit us. This excerpt, from my future book, takes a compassionate look at why we do that and offers a new map for making wiser choices for everyone?s best interest. |
| Guarding vs. hardening our Hearts |
Dealing with the stress of being a SMOM requires us to develop survival strategies and unless we are aware, many of those strategies can result in our hearts closing down, hostility leaking from us and that's clearly not our path of choice. This is an edited version of a post from the BB from Dec. 06 and it offers another choice as we learn to heal and deal with our situations.
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| Do we want to be right or do we want to be happy? |
It stinks that we have to even ponder this question but making the choice to be happy is a vital path to achieving peace of mind in our often very stressful situations.
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| Getting Angry vs. Staying Angry |
As SMOMS we have all experienced a wide range of anger, from mild frustration to rage. How can we use these feelings without becoming at the mercy of them? Read this post and a couple replies for some insights that may help you the next time you get angry.
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| Building a healthy relationship with our Skids-part 1 of 2 |
The more conscious we can be, the more powerful, effective, kind and compassionate we can be when interacting with our Skids. We don?t have control over a lot of things but how we behave is something we do have control over. Here is the first of a two part Smommentary. This part talks about the more emotional, attitudinal aspects of being a wise SMOM. Part 2 is more about the practical rituals and traditions we can create for our families. |
| Building a healthy relationship with our Skids-Part 2 of 2 |
When it comes to investing energy and creativity in a situation, SMOMs are a talented bunch. This article is intended to share some proven ideas and hopefully generate some new ones that will lead to fun and meaningful activities with your Skids that can improve and/or deepen your relationship. Fun is a powerful healer. Creativity seems to be a common SMOM quality. It is a good combination. |
| Expectations that CAN work for SMOMs |
Many sources tell SMOMs to lower their expectations. Most of us understand the rationale of this advice but frankly, it's sad to think we have to give up our "Happy Family Dreams." Learn about expectations and take a look at some that are realistic and CAN be achieved.
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| Constructive ways for dealing with impact of a hostile Bio-mom |
If the bio-mom of your skids is choosing to be hostile, it can have devastating impact on your life as a SMOM. Read about ways to free yourself from her impact. |
| Dealing with Disrespectful Teenagers (skids and kids) |
Once children are teenagers, they know when they are being rude and disrespectful and yet they still choose to act this way. Talking is rarely effective. Here?s another way of dealing with them. Read what a local expert in Adolescents suggested for how SMOMS can deal with teenagers AND keep our power and dignity in tact. |
| A Tsp. of Salt-Buddha |
It's often easy to find ourselves mentally obsessed with thinking about a skid or bio-mom situation to the point that we lose many, many hours of joy and peace of mind. Here's an approach Buddha teaches that I've applied to our lives as SMOMs.
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| Feelings Resentful? |
Feelings resentful can be caused by many combinations of hurtful, painful, annoying or enraging situations. The bad news about that is WE are the ones feeling the negative impact of this crummy feeling. The Smommentary covers some positive insights and action steps can we take to free ourselves from resentment. |
| Does anyone ever feel powerless? |
This is a compilation of a thread about powerlessness. There were so many feelings and idea’s shared that Ali kindly offered to edit, condense and de-personalize so we could post it here as a Special Smommentary. Thanks Ali-Cathryn |
| The Movie, Miracle inspired this SMOM. |
I was struck by the similarity between the USA Hockey Team's quest to beat the Soviets and our SMOM Challenges with hostile bio-moms. This article elaborates in the analogy and shares what inspired me about the movie. Hopefully it will offer you a renewed sense of hope that we can achieve our goals. |
| Things I've learned about being a Stepmom |
Here's a list of 23 things I've noticed, experienced or realized about being a Stepmom in my situation. It is my hope they will offer some value to you in your situation. |
| Anger Letter Process |
The following is a recap for the way I was taught, and now teach, people to process their anger. It's a healthy way to authentically move the energy out of your body so you can be free and think and feel more clearly. |
| Proving and Testing Article for your review |
This is an article I wrote last year. Please note that my relationship and self-care articles are now linked to the Smoms site, for your review and convenience. This article is about a common but hurtful behavior that can be recognized, acknowledged, forgiven and changed for the better. |
| Putting the Skids first doesn't mean putting yourself last! |
Misinterpreting this phrase has led many of us down a path of pain, anger, martyrhood and needless suffering. Why do we do it? What else can we do? |
| A SMOMS Poem |
This is kind of corny but I'm sharing it anyway because it made me smile. I hope it has the same impact on you. |
| The Loyalty Wars |
Sometimes Skids are put in the terrible position of realizing that their bio-moms will give them more love and/or attention if they openly dislike, or are unhappy with, any aspect of life at Dad's. |
| Cycle of Stepmom Frustration |
After an incident last week, I began to see things much clearer. I'm not sure why. Had I reached my limit of pain, anger and frustration? Did I even know I had a limit? Something just snapped and then the insights began to flow. I wanted to share something that becaome clear to me; a cycle of my actions that have perpetuated my frustrations, all in the name of "trying to connect" with a bio-mom. |
| You might be a frustrated Stepmom if... |
I wrote this after a particularly frustrating experience. I also offer an insight into WHY we might feel such rage at bio-moms and skids and then throw out a few examples in an attempt to twist frustration into a bonding experience for SMOMS. |
| Cue Cards for Husbands married to SMOMs. |
An idea for staying closer to our husbands no matter what the bio-mom or skids do. |
| When a bio-mom doesn't want to get along with us. |
This is a revised and compiled version of a couple of posts about what we can do when the bio-mom isn't interested in being "nice" to us. |
| Approach for dealing with hostile bio-mom. |
When the bio-mom makes it clear she isn't interested in getting along with us, it's time for a new strategy. The following is a revised compilation of several earlier posts to sum up a new outlook for this enraging and painful situation. |
Below
you will see a series of columns (most recent listed first)
where