Cathryn's Articles for Stepmom Issues and Relationships


The Anger Letter-One Way to Process Your Feelings .
Anger Letter Process

The following is a recap for the way I was taught, and now teach, people to process their anger. It's a healthy way to authentically move the energy out of your body so you can be free and think and feel more clearly.

Hi Smoms, Just wanted to review the Anger Letter process to give you a detailed explanation of how and why it works. I hope this will be helpful. Kim is our Anger Letter Cheerleader (Great term Kim:-) I have had so many clients resist this process and then use it when they were at the end of their rope with amazing results. Good News! You can use this process for a one page or 5-page situation and it can work every time.

First the Process:

Write out your feelings. I recommend handwriting, skipping every other line. You make the promise to yourself that no one will see it and then you give yourself permission to say every vile, gross, terrible thing you're feeling. It's not about being evil, it's about honoring and then releasing the energy of the feelings that are real for you. Imagine, as you write that you are moving the energy out of your body and onto the paper. Give yourself the time and space to really let it flow.

For those of your trained that it was wrong to think evil thoughts and therefore feel uncomfortable writing them on paper-I suggest that God will understand that what you're doing is releasing those feelings so you don't keep thinking them and so you don't leak the anger on others and so you can get it out of your system. After you have written it, hide it somewhere, no one will find overnight. This gives your subconscious and unconscious the message that this is private.

The next day, take it out, reread every word, no skimming, and add to it. If you have written it on the computer (better than not doing it at all) add to it, as new things will come to the surface. Why? Because you have laid out your feelings with the first copy and now other stuff hidden under the rage and hurt and anger will be exposed. Write it down and add to the letter. Hide it again for the second night.

On the third day, find some privacy and read the letter out loud with great feeling and throw in anything else that comes to mind. Let the words lift off the paper as if you are declaring your feeling and expressing them with great power. (The car is good, nature is excellent, and an empty house in the bathroom works as well) This is an amazing experience and will bring you any number of reactions. Some people cry, some laugh as they can feel the freedom of the emotion. When you are finished, safely burn the letter and use it as a ritual for releasing it in a way that cannot be reconstructed. It is very powerful. When we are angry, WE are holding on to the energy and it needs to move. Otherwise it will be numbed, suppressed, repressed, depressed or expressed inappropriately or any other ways that don't feel good in hindsight and clearly don't help the situation.

After you have completed this process one of three things will be clear:

1. You are free.

2. You need to do it again as another level of anger or anger at another has surfaced.

3. You may have processed the anger and so up comes the grief. It's the pain and/or hurt that's been hiding behind the anger. If this happens, it's time to turn on your compassion and to nurture yourself as you would a child or friend needing your love and TLC.

In summary, the key is keeping this private so you'll feel free to release what you are REALLY feeling and thinking. We don't have to edit or critique our writing. We don't have to be nice. We are giving ourselves permission to be real. We are taking responsibility for handling our own emotions. The situation will still be there. We will not lose any memory or desire to fix or change things. We will simply have moved out the energy of the anger so we can be more focused on the solution. It's a very wise and powerful action you can take for your well-being. Give it a try.

All the Best, Cathryn

©2003 Cathryn Bond Doyle. All Rights Reserved.
Stepmoms on a Mission®
PO Box 7, Medford NJ 08055
609.206.2009
Cathryn@smoms.org