Being a Stepmom is a unique role in life; We face challenges
and emotional pressures that only other Stepmoms experience.
The good news is that we can make new creative choices in
pursuit of our happiness and well being that can contribute
to the "happy family" we all want. Our families and our goals may change over the years but we are committed to doing everything we can to bring love, respect and well-being to our relationships.
Stepmoms on a Mission : A Stepmoms support
group. We call ourselves "SMOMS." This is now a virtual support group committed to helping Stepmothers
gain support and hone the new skills needed in this complex
"We are committed
to thriving, not just surviving in our roles as stepmothers
By taking responsibility for being as healthy, as loving,
as creative and as wise as possible."
Bond Doyle, Founder
"Sales and Relationship Coach since 1984"
" Stepmom since 1996"
in March 2000, we began meeting on Wednesday nights for two years, in the photo above are 3 of the original SMOMS, I'm on the right and Jeannie and Jackie are behind and beside me. In March, 2002 we decided to create this website to meet other Stepmoms from around the world and share, learn and support each other. The Stepmoms who are part of "Stepmoms on
a Mission " are amazing giving, energetic, loving and thoughtful
women who love their husbands, want to love their Stepkids and are
committed to doing their best in every situation. Our success is based primarilly on three things: Creative Problem Solving, emotional processing skills and extremely conscious self-care; all this done in the space of non-judgmental, compassionate, kind support.
Below are exerpts from the Mission Statement for 2011 and beyond:
When Stepmoms on a Mission was born (2000) it was to serve women who wanted to take the “high road” on a complex and often excruciating journey with the man she loves. It was created as a pathway that strengthens us so that rather than falling endlessly into the bouts of rage, despair, bitterness and devastating pain that we can face in our blended family situations, we will find the energy to feel all those feelings and come out the other side, ready to take action that will help us heal, grow and become wiser and wiser...at our own pace.
The site always has (and will have) a very loud ring of hope and encouragement for all the women who participate. Back in the early days, we believed that if we just kept our thoughts positive and our feelings honored, we could keep moving forward and use creativity, compassion and patience to eventually win over anyone in our world (bio-mom skids, in-laws, etc.) resistant to the idea of getting along. (See Smommentary-”The Cycle of a frustrated Stepmom” for more). Over the last few years, I've had to realize that some people are intractable and unwilling to put aside their anger, jealousy and narcissism...even for their own children and this makes it even more important that Smoms.org remains a lifeline to help refuel our energy which can be so easily drained by others.
While it’s sometimes very tempting to simply rant about the injustices most of us face, it’s rarely a productive use of time and energy IF, and only IF, we stop there. We know it’s very important to get clear on, and vent about, our feelings before we can move into problem solving mode. We’ve found that good things begin to happen (and change) whenever we’re ready take the next step of emotional processing. That step is asking ourselves and each other lots of questions. Questions like, “what am I really feeling? what triggered me in this situation? what can I do differently to meet my needs? and what can I learn to become emotionally stronger and wiser?” This strategy has worked well for us. Again, there is no timetable for anyone's personal process. We are all in different places emotionally. Everyone has their own timetable. Our "vent first, feel understood, get tons of compassion, feel more like your old self again then now "what's next?" process has worked well since 2000. We hope you'll reap the benefits here as well.
While the “happy blended family fantasy” is a common and shared vision for most of us when we begin our stepmom journey, we now know that sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t, no matter how hard we try! This is a hard truth to accept. When things work out-wonderful! When they don’t, sadly we’re faced with deeply felt grief and the challenge of creating a new dream-one that is possible, one that’s built around the people who do want to share a happy life together.
There are usually ways to become happy in whatever situations we find ourselves and this belief is the strength of the bond we sister SMOMS share. Our shared healing and wisdom transcends all socioeconomic categories. It’s our different backgrounds and our shared experiences that bring new insights, ah ha’s and solutions to each other. It's one of our greatest assets as a group! We help each other (and future smoms) as we fill the BB with new choices and options for action, reminders and ideas for self-care, creative problem solving tactics and constant over-flowing streams of soothing, heart-healing compassionate support. This is all good stuff and from what many of you told me in your emails over the years, still unique to our site.
I’ve been changed by the events of the past 15 years, dramatically so in the past 4 years. My vision for what it means to be a Stepmom on a Mission has evolved and over the coming months and years, I want to share newly learned lessons, beliefs, choices and insights with you all. Not so I can tell you what to do but so you can benefit from more choices, more understandings, more insights to add to your own process, in your own time. Clearly there is not one way forward. We're all different and yet share something in common that is intangible.
Recapping our SMOMS goal: Women empowering women to improve the quality of our emotional lives and helping each other become wiser, stronger and more able to be our truly loving magnificent selves as we deal with the uncontrollable, unpredictable and often unfair impact and actions of some very challenging and difficult people we’ve “inherited” in our lives as stepmoms.
The work we’re doing, as we navigate stormy and deep waters is PhD level personal growth material. It’s not for everyone. I’m glad you’ve found Stepmoms on a Mission. You being here makes a difference to everyone else here. Who knows who will need your support and who will be able to support you on your journey. It’s a special place filled with special women like you. Welcome! Please let me hear from you if you have ideas and/or comments for ways we can improve the value of our site.
Sincerely, Cathryn Doyle
"May I have the patience and humility to believe things can get better,
the willingness and courage to avoid blaming and to
look at my contribution to each situation and...
the energy and flexibility to keep trying new ways to create more love
and less stress in our lives."